Not Around Anymore to See it
by TheOddestAudrey
Summary: Italy has committed suicide leaving a puzzle behind for his friends and family to solve why he did what he did. England uses a spell to bring him back to life for 8 days. In those 8 days, the nations are determined to find out how to crack the puzzle and give Italy a new will to live. If not, Italy will be gone for good.
1. Chapter 1

He poured his thoughts out on paper. It was something he could never express with his own words; Nothing he said ever sounded smart.

It was a curse really; Not being able to let the world know you have serious thoughts on your mind.

Italy sat down at his kitchen table. Romano left so he had the whole house to himself, it was finally the right time to do what he needed to do .

He requested to live with his brother long ago so he'd never be alone. He was always afraid of being left alone. Now things were different, he found solace in being alone. No one was there to judge him or yell at him.

Now that he had time to think he had no idea what he actually wanted to write on his piece of notebook paper.

He tapped his pen against the table in though.

Should he…Write separate notes for everyone. But who is everyone? Who's even going to care at this point. All the people he knew were annoyed by him in some way.

Why even try at this point?

His letter would go out to anyone if they found him.

He guessed that if Romano took his time getting back home his body might be days old. Maybe Germany would use the house key he gave him, or Japan would knock on his door and get concerned.

He didn't think about it too much because…He wouldn't be around to see what would happen.

Italy began to write his letter with words straight from his own head. His hand was shaking as he wrote, his cursive looked horribly off. But again, who cares?

* * *

_"__To whom it may concern, _

_I never thought I'd start out a letter like that. But someone's got to find me eventually. _

_I'll start it like this. My name is Italy Veneziano and after I write this letter I'm going to commit suicide. _

_This may be confusing to some. I always sounded utterly dumb when I tried to explain things, I could never function around people well. I always wanted to be around people but I never knew how to talk. _

_So here's a piece of my mind. _

_I hear and understand every word. I know what people think of me and I can't help but agree. Every word anyone has ever said about me is true. _

_Annoying. Yes _

_Stupid. Yes _

_Selfish. Yes _

_So you can at least understand why I rather not be around. It's hard to deal with being annoying, stupid, and selfish all at the same time, no? _

_My grandfather died at the end of his time. I watched him get impaled, I ran, I became a slave, I fell in love, and I let that love die. _

_I can never hang onto anything I care for. _

_Every war I was involved in I felt like dying. _

_I can't stand harming others. I know too many people who died due to that. _

_Then how come I suddenly become weak and useless? _

_War isn't everything. There is such thing as development without violence._

_What am I even saying? _

_Even on paper I can't exactly explain what I mean._

_There's so much going on within my mind. It's suffocating. _

_I feel like I need to rid myself of this world for everything to be at peace. Within me and within you, whoever is reading this, I think you deserve better. _

_And why not end my life selfishly like how I came into this world. _

_I think we all know I was never meant to be. _

_Who ever heard of two countries existing within? I'm the weak link, if Aqua Alta doesn't kill me first than it'd be the fact that we'll eventually need a whole government. _

_My brother will be the only Italy. _

_That's how it should have been all alone. _

_I'm rambling now. _

_Goodbye, I guess. That's all I have to say. _

_Also, don't blame anyone that isn't me for this. This is entirely my fault and entirely my decision._

_I want to welcome to sweet relief of death into me. _

_I hope, whoever you are, can understand this. _

_With much love, _

_Italy Veneziano_

* * *

"God dammit…You make everything sound so confusing" Italy muttered to himself when he finished. He crumpled that paper up and tired again.

* * *

_To whom it may concern,_

_I've reached the end of my limit. I can't continue any longer. _

_This life was bittersweet from beginning to my inevitable end._

_There is no logical way I can really explain my feelings. Only that I feel like I don't belong here anymore, I never belonged here to begin with. _

_My birth was pure mistake. _

_It cost the life of two people I loved, injured the pride of my brother, caused annoyance to other nations I know. _

_I tried to make things right, but I failed. I'm a failure. _

_I don't think I could ever live with myself knowing that I made someone upset. So that's why I'm leaving. _

_I hope you don't react to this badly. I hope you can accept this, whoever you are. _

_I only wrote this to inform you that what I'm about to do is completely on me. _

_I can't explain much further. _

_With Love, _

_Italy Veneziano._

* * *

"That's too broad" Italy told himself out loud "God dammit". He pulled at his own hair with anger, he clenched that paper hard and crumpled it up within his fist. He told himself he could do better.

He tried again.

* * *

_"__To whom it may concern, _

_I am ending my life because I am simply done and I know I have no use here. _

_I was never a good brother, friend, or nation. _

_My feelings are hard to explain. I could never express them out into words so I resort to explaining them in this form as I am about to do something unthinkable. _

_I'm"_

* * *

Italy stopped mid-writing to look it over again.

It made no sense.

He couldn't justify anything. He could make sense of anything.

Everything that came from his mouth and hands were unintelligible, utterly stupid.

His fingers wrapped themselves around the paper roughly.

Tears of anguish came out of his eyes.

He couldn't do anything right.

He couldn't even explain why he couldn't do anything right.

He tried again.

* * *

_"__To whom it may concern, _

_I am leaving because it isn't my place to stay here. I don't wish to be around any longer and"._

* * *

He crumpled that paper up and threw it to the ground.

* * *

_"__To whom it may concern, _

_I have decided to kill myself because"_

* * *

Another failure, he sent that one hurdling towards the ground.

* * *

_"__To whom it may concern, _

_i"_

* * *

No, he had to try again.

* * *

_"__To whom"_

* * *

Again and again he wasted notebook paper on something so stupid as his death note. In a fit of anger he wrote down almost everything he could think of in blunt spurts. They were all separate on their own, yet to him, they all added up.

Only he could make sense of how he felt, how he talked, how he expressed.

Papers lay on the counter with many different concepts written on them.

_"__I am a failure" _

_"__I don't want to be alive"_

_"__I'm sorry" _

_"__I'm useless" _

_"__Nothing I say makes sense" _

_"__I am a mistake" _

_"__I can't live with myself anymore" _

_"__I let too many people I love die" _

_"__I'm hurting others just by being alive" _

_"__I'm a terrible brother" _

_"__I'm a terrible friend" _

_"__I'm terrible" _

_"__I'm" _

Italy took off to grab a cutting knife from the cabinet.

In the heat of the moment he stabbed himself in the chest. It was close to his heart but not exactly. He was so bad at aiming.

It hurt, it stung so bad. He let himself fall backwards onto the floor.

With hands stained with hot, sticky blood he sent the knife down into himself yet again. This time it was near the center of his body.

He cried out loudly, almost like screaming. He wailed and no one could hear him.

He was alone.

Italy worked hard to get the knife out of him. It got stuck within his flesh and bones, making horrible gurgling noises when he took it out.

The kitchen floor was a complete pool of blood and the red spot surrounded him.

He was growing weak now. He could barley lift up his own hands.

His ears rang and everything around his wound felt numb. His eyes threatened to roll up to the back of his head.

Italy allowed his death to be a slow and painful one. He felt he needed to suffer.

His reasons might not have been clear. His reasons were technically many different reasons put into one…His life was quite a mess, from start to finish.

In the end, he made a mess of his own with his blood.

Italy chuckled, "Who's gonna clean this up?…I'm always causing trouble…"

He closed his eyes and smiled.

"I won't be around to see it though"

He took another good stab at himself and rolled to his side. The knife remained in his chest, at this point he had no energy to take it out and try again.

Through the eery cold feeling he felt; The blood made him feel warm. He rubbed his face with his bloody hand. Tears were just barely felt up against his fingers.

He passed away on that kitchen floor, undignified and utterly disgusting.

Italy had no idea what would happen after he left. Would who he worried about be alright? Was he going to be missed or would he just fade away out of everyone's memories?

The possibilities were endless.

Yet he didn't have to worry about it anymore.

He would not be there to see it.

* * *

**_This was a vent story. I can't go too into what's going on with my life but…Sometimes I need to torture my favorite characters to get my own feelings out. _**

**_I want people to know I'm struggling so I'm going to post this publicly, just so I feel some relief. _**

**_I'll continue this only if people want to (Which honestly I doubt anyone will but hey, who knows!) _**

**_Thank you and I love all of you. _**

**_I hope your parents tell you they love you today. I hope their proud of you and supportive. _**


	2. Chapter 2

Romano went home late.

His brother usually called him when he was late because he'd get nervous and would want him to come home. Italy didn't call him. Because of this, Romano lost track of time.

He came too late.

There were crumpled up pieces of paper all over the table in their dinning room; A complete mess.

"Oy Veneziano! You better clean up what you left on the dinning room table!" he shouted, expecting Italy to be upstairs.

When he got no response he prepared himself to march up the stairs put he stepped on something that stuck to his shoe; Something sticky.

He looked down to see Italy laying lifeless in the dried pile of his own blood.

It was such a terrifying sight, Romano had no idea how to react.

In all his life he never expected to see such an image. He wasn't sure he believed it.

"Veneziano" he sank down to his knees. How long had he been laying there bleeding, all alone?

He pulled his brother into his arms. Italy's head lulled back, the left side of his face was smeared with blood. Placing his body against his lap, Romano observed the knife in his brother's body.

Romano cupped Italy's cheek in the palm of his heads, he screamed at his face, "Veneziano!".

The reality of it all caught up to him. His stomach sank down and he let out painful sobs and dry heaving. He pulled Italy up closer to him, his head pressing up in the crook of Romano's shoulder.

"Please don't leave me. Please be okay, don't leave…" he quietly hoped, his own voice contradicted him. He couldn't feel Italy breathing, there was no heartbeat. He was gone.

"Mio dio…" his body began to tremble. He felt like throwing up, he could feel his own vile inching up through his throat but he swallowed it down.

"Per favore non andare" he breathed heavily "Nonno non lo fanno prenderlo via…Not him…".

"God dAMMIT!" he started scream all full agony crept into him. Loud blubbering followed. There was nothing he could do but scream at his brother who was no longer there with him.

He pressed his forehead against Italy's to silence his screaming. He bit his lip in an attempt to contain it all.

Romano jerked his head up. He had to…Tell someone right? He needed help. He needed someone to help him and explain why this was happening or…At least help him remove the knife from Italy's body. He didn't have the strength to do that.

Who would he even call?

Who would be able to help him deal with something like this.

Romano laid Italy back down on the ground and stumbled up to their house phone. He leaned against the counter and shockingly dialed each of the number individually.

He hated to show weakness to the person he was calling but…There was no way he could stay strong as his brother lay dead to the world on the floor.

The phone rang for a bit, but an answer finally came.

_"__Hallo das ist Deutschland"_

"Germany?" Romano asked innocently.

_"…__Romano?" _

Germany definitely recognized his voice but was probably confused as to why he would call him in such a way.

"I…I need help"

_"__Hold on I'll be right over. Is Italy alright?" _

Ah…Romano knew he would ask that. He had to say what his problem was eventually or he wouldn't get any help.

He let out a miserable "…No".

_"__I'm coming over. You two stay where you are" _

Germany hung up the phone quickly. He was probably already in his car at this point.

He said to stay with Italy, so Romano sunk down to the floor. Looking back at Italy to confirm that his horrors were real; Romano eventually picked Italy up in his arms again.

How pitiful it was, laying there crying like a baby.

There was nothing else he could do.

…

Germany opened the door to Italy's house with the key he was given.

"Hey, are you two alright?" Germany asked as he entered.

"Um…We're down here" Romano's small voice called out to him.

Germany followed the voice and was brought into the kitchen. He expected to be looking forward but instead he found himself looking down at the mess on the floor.

Romano looked at him with the most distraught face he had ever seen. Both tears and snot spilled out of his face. He was clinging to his brother as if his life depended on it.

"What happened?" Germany asked as he dived down next to him. He immediately searched Italy for any wounds and…Well, he found himself with a pretty obvious wound, a knife to the chest.

"Scheiße what happened?!" he asked.

"I don't know, there was no one here, the door was locked and everything and…I was out with Spain and I came home and he just…" Romano tried hard to make his words come out with sense but he started to breakdown again.

"We have to leave the knife in so he won't bleed out. We'll take him to a hospital, come on-" Germany attempted to take Italy from him but Romano held him down against him tight.

"Do you see all the blood? He's dead! I checked he's dead!" he screamed at him.

"No…No Romano, that's not right. Someone like him can't just…Die" Germany tried to reason with him.

"Look are you going to fucking help me or not! He's dead and…I…I don't know what to do. I can't…I can't even take the knife out" Romano hung his head low, "Could you do it for me?".

Germany silently maneuvered Italy into his own grasp. He probably thought that Italy would wake up and just be fine, in pain maybe, but fine.

He yanked hard at the knife and it came out of Italy easily.

The blade was completely red. As it was removed, nothing else poured out from his body. It was like he was clean dry.

Germany pressed his fingers around Italy's neck, then he tried his veins. He wasn't getting the results he wanted so he pressed his ear against Italy's chest.

Nothing.

Germany let out was sounded like a croak. He stopped himself from making any more noise by pressing his hand against his mouth, but that didn't stop the tears.

They sat like that for awhile; Just crying on the floor.

There was no way they could rationally deal with what happened. They were both in shock and utter confusion.

They probably never would have guessed Italy could be left in such a mutilating condition. They never thought they needed to dread something like this happen. That Italy would just bounce back up and assure them that everything was okay.

Italy didn't budge.

Once Germany pulled himself together, he stood up and whipped the tears off his face. Unfortunately, they continued to fall.

"Hey…" Romano called out to him "It's okay to cry, I guess…I mean…God".

"I know, I'm so sorry. I should have been there. I could have stopped whatever happened" Germany said "But now I need to find out what happened. I swear to god, if someone did this to him i'll bash their head in".

"There were a lot of papers scattered around the dinning room table" Romano offered him what little he knew.

Germany silently went to that destination. The table was a complete mess.

He unraveled one of the pieces to find a message that made no sense.

* * *

_"__To whom it may concern, _

_I"_

* * *

That's all it said.

Germany found himself asking what Italy was thinking when he wrote this. To try and finish to puzzle, he picked up another piece of paper.

* * *

_"__I'm terrible"._

* * *

Confused, he unraveled many more.

* * *

_"__To whom" _

_"__I'm" _

_"__I'm sorry" _

_"__I'm a failure" _

_"To whom it may concern,_

_I am leaving because it isn't my place to stay here. I don't wish to be around any longer and"._

_"__I'm useless" _

_"__I'm hurting others just by being alive"_

* * *

Now Germany really wanted to solve the puzzle Italy left behind. He searched for the letter that said something that made more sense, that explained something.

He eventually found the longest letter and possibly the first one Italy wrote.

* * *

_"To whom it may concern,_

_I never thought I'd start out a letter like that. But someone's got to find me eventually._

_I'll start it like this. My name is Italy Veneziano and after I write this letter I'm going to commit suicide._

_This may be confusing to some. I always sounded utterly dumb when I tried to explain things, I could never function around people well. I always wanted to be around people but I never knew how to talk._

_So here's a piece of my mind._

_I hear and understand every word. I know what people think of me and I can't help but agree. Every word anyone has ever said about me is true._

_Annoying. Yes_

_Stupid. Yes_

_Selfish. Yes_

_So you can at least understand why I rather not be around. It's hard to deal with being annoying, stupid, and selfish all at the same time, no?_

_My grandfather died at the end of his time. I watched him get impaled, I ran, I became a slave, I fell in love, and I let that love die._

_I can never hang onto anything I care for._

_Every war I was involved in I felt like dying._

_I can't stand harming others. I know too many people who died due to that._

_Then how come I suddenly become weak and useless?_

_War isn't everything. There is such thing as development without violence._

_What am I even saying?_

_Even on paper I can't exactly explain what I mean._

_There's so much going on within my mind. It's suffocating._

_I feel like I need to rid myself of this world for everything to be at peace. Within me and within you, whoever is reading this, I think you deserve better._

_And why not end my life selfishly like how I came into this world._

_I think we all know I was never meant to be._

_Who ever heard of two countries existing within? I'm the weak link, if Aqua Alta doesn't kill me first than it'd be the fact that we'll eventually need a whole government._

_My brother will be the only Italy._

_That's how it should have been all alone._

_I'm rambling now._

_Goodbye, I guess. That's all I have to say._

_Also, don't blame anyone that isn't me for this. This is entirely my fault and entirely my decision._

_I want to welcome to sweet relief of death into me._

_I hope, whoever you are, can understand this._

_With much love,_

_Italy Veneziano._

* * *

After reading it Germany crumpled the letter back up and sat down in the chair beside him, he held his head low and let out small sounds of crying.

"Did you find something?" Romano asked.

"I found something" Germany replied.

* * *

**_I'm surprised I was giving this kind of attention. I really appreciate what people have said. A special thank you to littleflower54276408 for messaging me. _**

**_I think I'm going to continue this story. I write well in harder times and this will keep me busy on bad days. Let's see where this story is going to go :) _**

**_Thank you to everyone reading this. You matter and I love you, thank you for making me feel loved as well. _**


	3. Chapter 3

Germany cleaned up the floor for Romano. They left Italy under a white sheet so they didn't have to see his face.

Romano was still in shock with it all but Germany pulled himself together nicely. He figured it's because Germany was always an emotionally strong guy even though he could tell it killed him to know that Italy was no longer here with them.

Germany immediately called Japan out of all people and then said he'd call his own brother next. The rest they would discuss at the world meeting tomorrow. It was convenient that Italy happened to die before a big world discussion, but still, he wished it didn't have to be that way.

"Hey Japan?" Germany talked into the phone "Do you mind speaking english? I have something to say…It's not good news. Italy passed away, we think it happened last night because the blood on the floor was already dried over when I came over…It was suicide".

Germany took a long pause, seemingly because Japan was replying to what he just said.

After this, Germany held his head low and rubbed his temples. Romano couldn't see his face but everything about his posture made him look like he was going to burst into tears.

"Yes…I'm so sorry" Germany said "…Japan? Japan, please stop hyperventilating just listen to my voice. Okay? We're going to talk about what happened tomorrow and hopefully make sense out of this…Yes, I can't believe it either. But this is real…He's gone now"

Another pause, "I'll see you soon. Just hang in there. Goodbye" Germany hung up the phone.

"He didn't take it well, did he?" Romano asked.

"Of course not. He cared about Italy a lot" Germany said "He got all hysterical. Kept saying 'why did it have to be him'…It really shouldn't have been him. He doesn't deserve something like…"

He motioned down to the white sheet where Italy laid under; "This".

"I know, okay? Stop fucking pointing it out" Romano growled at him and enveloped in himself, pulling his legs up close to his chest.

"I guess I'll have to call my brother now" Germany said. He didn't sound willing to do so at all.

"You could take a break for a bit. You don't have to call him yet" Romano told him "I mean, we have the whole day to ourselves. Mine as well not drone on it so much, I'm running out of tears to cry…This is just embarrassing".

"It's called grief and it's okay to feel it" Germany put the phone down and sat on the floor next to Romano and Italy's body. He pressed his back against the couch and looked over at Romano.

"I know what grief is. I've seen my grandpa get killed in front of my eyes" Romano grew defensive "But god…This is too much. I'm feeling too many things at once, it's suffocating".

"I don't really know what to feel either. My brother had a family of 48, including himself. They all died when I came around. It was scary, but I kinda taught myself to grow strong and deal with things like this" Germany said "But…I always worried about him, I always made sure I'd be there to protect him…And the one time he doesn't call me to help-"

Romano realized that Germany was going to cry right in front of him. He was never very close to this man, they had a rough meeting at first but he grew to like his brother's friends.

Germany lost his first friend and on top of that a big part of his life.

Without saying anything, Romano pulled an arm around Germany's shoulder and let him hand his head low; Letting him cry.

"I don't know why he had to be so quiet. I guess…He didn't want someone to save him" Romano said in a pathetically sad tone "It doesn't fit him. I half expected him to just jump right back, tell me everything was okay and smile like he always does. What kind of big brother am I? Not a good one".

Germany sniffled up the rest of his tears and looked back at him, his eyes were red and his nose was as well.

"You know, I didn't think nations could die with suicide, or even die with stable government" Germany said.

Normally, Romano would jump at whatever evidence he got but he was weary of what Germany said.

"Yeah but, Vene and I share a nation…And tenurially, he was the weak ink. That's why I let people call him Italy, it was really the only chance he got at lasting as long as he did" Romano explained "Rome's our capital over all and that's my heart…I'm worried that…God, he's insignificant enough to stay dead". Romano covered his face, "That's so fucking stupid! It's unfair!".

"Wait, wait I think he wrote about that" Ludwig went back to look through Italy's various letters.

Ludwig found the one he was looking for and read the lines out loud.

"He says _'Who ever heard of two countries existing within? I'm the weak link, if Aqua Alta doesn't kill me first than it'd be the fact that we'll eventually need a whole government. My brother will be the only Italy. That's how it should have been all along'_…Sounds like he knew about the whole weak link thing" Ludwig said "What's Aqua Alta?".

"Venice flooding. I guess he never really told anyone" Romano said "They would cause him heart problems whenever he had them. And technically, when Venice finally goes under water…There was a really high chance that he wouldn't survive it".

"Then maybe he killed himself because he knew death was inevitable for him?" Germany suggested, he didn't seem too sure himself.

"That could be true, but I don't see someone like Veneziano wanting to cut his life short just like that. Well I mean, he did, which is what doesn't add up. But Vene was always okay with it. He had a good sense of mortality" Romano explained "He just understood it".

Germany put away the letter and searched through more of them.

"Have you read all of these?" Germany asked.

"No, I didn't know there was more besides the one you showed me" Romano leaned in to see what he was talking about.

"Some of these talk about you, like this one" Germany held up a piece of notebook paper to him. The only words on it were _"I'm a terrible brother"._

Romano took it and looked down at it, "Does he really think that?" he asked rhetorically. No one would be able to answer his question besides Italy.

"He talks more about his mortality in this letter" Germany unraveled another.

"Read it" Romano said.

Germany cleared his throat, _"To whom it may concern, I've reached the end of my limit. I can't continue any longer. This life was bittersweet from beginning to my inevitable end. __There is no logical way I can really explain my feelings. Only that I feel like I don't belong here anymore, I never belonged here to begin with. My birth was pure mistake. It cost the life of two people I loved, injured the pride of my brother, caused annoyance to other nations I know.I tried to make things right, but I failed. I'm a failure.I don't think I could ever live with myself knowing that I made someone upset. So that's why I'm leaving.I hope you don't react to this badly. I hope you can accept this, whoever you are.I only wrote this to inform you that what I'm about to do is completely on me.I can't explain much further. With Love, Italy Veneziano."_

"What, why does he think he injured my pride?" Romano asked.

"I don't know, maybe because you seem mad a lot? No offense" Germany said.

"Nah, none taken" Romano shrugged it off, he felt many things at the moment but anger wasn't one of them. "I just feel bad he really thought I didn't like him".

"What's this part about his birth being a mistake? Is that true?" Germany asked.

Romano didn't want to answer, his eyes focussed on other things that weren't Germany.

"Yes…But we didn't think of him that way!" Romano answered but immediately backed himself up with his own feelings on his brother, "Me and my grandpa had mixed feelings at first but, you know, he became family and we loved him..I can understand how that can make a person feel insecure, but Veneziano always seemed okay about it"

Germany hummed a reply that showed he understood what he meant.

"Well he certainly left behind a jumble of things but I can't figure out why he stabbed himself…Three times" Germany said, "We'll definitely have to talk about this at the meeting tomorrow".

Romano looked down.

"Now I know you don't want to, but we have to figure this out. I won't believe that Italy's resting easy if I don't know what motivated him. It might be me…Or someone else, something else" Germany said.

"Well" Romano's gazed fixed on the white cloth "Where are we going to put him?"

"In his room, I guess, I can't think of anywhere at the moment " Germany told him, he leaned down and picked up Italy; Keeping the white cloth on his body so he would be concealed.

His arm rolled out and hung bellow him. It was pale and motionless.

Romano had a hard time believing that was his brother's arm but the was the truth.

He watched silently as Germany took Italy upstairs.

Romano looked down at the cluster of letters on the floor. The one he held within his fingers was the one that read _"I'm a terrible brother". _

He shouldn't have droned on it for so long but…What if it was truly the other way around?

What if Romano was the terrible brother?

* * *

**_Romano is NOT a terrible brother btw -3- but grief pushes unspeakable things and thoughts onto people. Next chapter will be at the world meeting _**


	4. Chapter 4

Romano finished wrapping his tie around his neck when Germany had called him to make sure he was ready for the meeting.

No one else knew besides Japan (And Prussia, but he wasn't an active nation anymore).

_"__Hey Romano, do you have all the letters?" _Germany asked.

Romano checked in his bag to find all the little papers pressed up together in a pile.

"Yep, I'm heading over now" Romano pressed his phone against his ear and shoulder so he could fix up his sleeves. Once he was done he held his phone with his hand again.

_"__Good. You and me will have to figure out a way to break it to everyone. I have no idea how they'll react" ._

"They better react hoe we did or I'll understand why Veneziano felt all alone" Romano growled "You know, I'm starting to think it's those idiot's faults".

_"__Why? You know what, how about you bring that up when we get there. They might be offended though" ._

"Oh you know what I'm taking about Germany! you know the things they've said about him…" Romano trailed off. He certainly did know that Germany was aware of the gauge bullying behind Italy's own back. Gratefully, Germany was one of the only people that didn't think it was funny.

"I'll be over in a few minutes. That's for rescheduling it to your place" Romano said "Bye".

Hanging up the phone, he heaved his bag onto his shoulder and left the house.

The drive was fairly simple since he and Germany lived by. Even still, his mind drifted.

Italy leaving them was still just too hard to comprehend. Especially since he left with no clear indication of why he did. It made him angry, but also left him in a never ending state of melancholy.

He wanted to blame something…Anything.

Romano turned on the radio to distract himself. After that, he found himself parking just outside Germany's meeting building.

He expected that he'd get in silently but found someone else showing up later than he did.

"Oy Romano! I didn't know it was your day" Spain caught up to him, talking like Romano and his brother still shared their meeting schedules, speaking as if he had simply just went in for Italy instead of taking over his job.

"Uh, yeah…About that" Romano awkwardly droned on.

Thankfully, Germany intervened by opening the double doors to meet him. "You two, come on" Germany ordered.

Romano silently snuck through the door and sat down in Italy's assigned spot.

Japan came up to talk to Germany for a bit and then made his way to where Romano sat. "How are you doing, Romano?" Japan asked quietly.

"Eh, I'm managing" Romano shrugged it off.

"I'm so sorry this happened. I almost feel responsible, I used to talk to Italy through the phone on nights he couldn't sleep and I understood the things he said that could have lead up to this" Japan explained sadly.

"Wait you talked to him? At night?" Romano perked up.

"Yes"

"You should talk about it once the subject is brought up. But we gotta wait till these dumb asses get done with what they're talking about"

Japan nodded and snuck his way over to his own seat.

England started everyone off with daily events that they could possibly discuss. It consisted of the usual global issues and political affairs, nothing much to say about it.

Then Germany stood up to announce the news.

Romano looked down at the papers he was given when he walked in, he slipped his hand into his bag to take out Italy's notes. At best, he did this to avoid all eye contact.

"I have some unfortunate but important news" Germany said "Now this is going to be confusing, this happened only a few days ago or so we suppose…Italy is dead. Italy being North Italy, Veneziano".

Germany struggled to speak Italy's full name.

The other nations looked at him with confusion. As Romano feared; They looked at him as well.

"What?" Cuba was the first to question at the far end of the table.

"Italy is dead. I was called by Romano to come over to their place, Italy was already long dead for at least…A day maybe. He had three self-inflicted stab wounds and he bled himself out" Germany explained, he kept good posture the whole time. Though as much as he tried to make it seem like he was okay with it, everything he expressed made him sound so sad.

"Due to recent discovery, he was mortal in a way. So, there's a possibility he's gone for good…And I'll-…We'll have to accept that. But I won't accept it until we find out why" Germany explained.

"Germany, your spurting out too much…Are you saying Italy's _dead?" _France asked for clarification, stress was beginning to show on his face.

"Yes" Germany said simply.

"That doesn't make any sense. He's a nation isn't he?" China piped in from the Asian section.

"He and Romano share the Italy title, Romano's heart is their overall capital…Look, I'm just as confused as you are. But he's not moving, or breathing, or showing any signs of life. So we have to assume at this point that he's dead" Germany said "Now my proposition was-".

"We just can't settle with that! What on earth happened?" Austria's voice came in with concern.

"I said he committed suicide-"

"But he can't just be dead" Ukraine questioned Germany's logic.

The blonde man clenched his teeth at the growing aggravation the rest of nations were causing. There was no further way he could explain himself.

"He is, I-"

"Why are you so calm about this? I thought he was your-" Britain began to tread on waters he shouldn't and Germany completely snapped.

"He was my friend! Don't you dare underestimate how much I care about him!" Germany bellowed "I was just simply trying to figure things out because he left notes behind; Multiple notes. Something happened that made Italy kill himself and instead of questioning why he's dead I decided it's better to find out why someone like him, someone who smiled all the time and brightened up my own days, thought that killing himself was a last resort!".

Everyone quieted down after Germany started crying again during his speech.

He spoke with a strong voice even with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Things started settling in and the grief spread like a disease across the room.

Most people were silent with their tears, being afraid to let out any sort of noise but sensing the situation and understanding it.

It was hard to understand overall, no one expected it to be Italy in any situation.

Germany relaxed his shoulders and let everyone in the room mourn.

France seemed the most effected out of everyone else. He hid his face in his hands and his whole body shook.

Spain made his way over to France, who was currently being comforted by England, and ruffled his head. Whispering a tiny "Está bien mi amigo".

He then walked up to Romano and gave him a hug. Romano's hands were pressed against Spain's chest instead of around him. He really didn't want to be hugged.

"Mi dios Romano, I'm so sorry" Spain apologized to him with tears in his own eyes.

Normally, Romano would accept any form of sympathy for him with open arms. But now it just didn't feel right, was everyone in this room really crying for Italy? Or were they crying because they know they fucked up, or because they realized they lost one of the most under appreciated nations that ever lived? Or was it for Romano himself?

"No, don't be. I just want to make things right" Romano said.

He spoke with a louder voice to everyone else, "Did you hear that? I said instead of crying about it I'm going to make it right".

He lifted up Italy's notes for everyone in the world to see, "These are my brother's suicide notes. That's right, plural. He talks about a lot of things in these letters, some of them even vaguely talk about all of you. So if I find out that any one of you in particular made my brother kill himself, then so help me god I'll fucking-"

Germany grabbed his raised hand to hold him back. Romano didn't even realize he had stood up.

"I've got this" Germany told him, then he continued. "There are 20 notes in total, almost all of them are unfinished. They aren't very clear so that's why I though it'd be best if we figured it out here".

Germany spread them across the table. Of course the table was long and not everyone could see it so some nations came up to check it out directly.

"I'll read out the longest one" Germany said, "_To whom it may concern, I never thought I'd start out a letter like that. But someone's got to find me eventually. I'll start it like this. My name is Italy Veneziano and after I write this letter I'm going to commit suicide. This may be confusing to some. I always sounded utterly dumb when I tried to explain things, I could never function around people well. I always wanted to be around people but I never knew how to talk._

_So here's a piece of my mind. I hear and understand every word. I know what people think of me and I can't help but agree. Every word anyone has ever said about me is true. Annoying. Yes. Stupid. Yes. Selfish. Yes. So you can at least understand why I rather not be around. It's hard to deal with being annoying, stupid, and selfish all at the same time, no? My grandfather died at the end of his time. I watched him get impaled, I ran, I became a slave, I fell in love, and I let that love die. I can never hang onto anything I care for. Every war I was involved in I felt like dying. I can't stand harming others. I know too many people who died due to that. Then how come I suddenly become weak and useless? War isn't everything. There is such thing as development without violence. What am I even saying? Even on paper I can't exactly explain what I mean. There's so much going on within my mind. It's suffocating. I feel like I need to rid myself of this world for everything to be at peace. Within me and within you, whoever is reading this, I think you deserve better. And why not end my life selfishly like how I came into this world. I think we all know I was never meant to be. Who ever heard of two countries existing within? I'm the weak link, if Aqua Alta doesn't kill me first than it'd be the fact that we'll eventually need a whole government. My brother will be the only Italy. That's how it should have been all along. I'm rambling now. Goodbye, I guess. That's all I have to say. Also, don't blame anyone that isn't me for this. This is entirely my fault and entirely my decision. I want to welcome to sweet relief of death into me. I hope, whoever you are, can understand much love, Italy Veneziano"_

Once done, Germany set the letter down on the table.

"So, what did any of you hear in particular?" he asked.

"I did hear the sort of bullying part…" America mentioned "How he talks about how he 'hears everything'…".

Romano laughed bitterly, "Of course _you _notice that part".

"Romano, don't point fingers so fast" Germany told him "…But he is right America. I remember you saying things behind his back, as well as England, China, France. In fact, I don't think I can even count how many of you nations poked fun at him".

The nations in questions grew guilty, as well as a few others who weren't even mentioned but knew they were held responsible as well.

"I told you that you shouldn't make fun of him. How is it I was the only one that didn't laugh at any of your little jokes about him" Germany began lecturing. Romano stood on the sidelines rooting for him. He had gotten off at a bad start with Germany but as time progressed he really showed that he cared deeply for his brother and wasn't a horrible person to be around.

"I know, I know I should have shut up" America said "I talked to him individually all the time though. A lot of those jokes came from eras where we were in war and first introduced. They did continue on but he always seemed okay with it, even unbothered by it. I don't get why he didn't call anyone out if he heard a lot of it".

"It talks about loss as well" France brought up a different topic, "About loosing his grandfather and falling in love and….Loosing that love too".

"How come I never heard of this 'love' crap?" Romano questioned.

"Maybe he just didn't tell you" France said "I don't think he told anyone except the people that were there".

"You were there then?" Germany asked him, his brow furrowed.

"I was" France said.

"Became a slave he says…I hate to say that's true as well" Austria added "My reign over him was abusive, but you know there weren't any child laws at the time".

"I remember that. You used to fucking beat him up when he was little, refused to feed him food when he wasn't cleaning fast enough" Romano added in. He seemed to be giving death glares to everyone but he couldn't help it, he wanted to make whoever caused Italy's pain be sorry.

"We had such a healthy relationship afterwards though, he always seemed okay with it" Austria told them, a theme seemed to be appearing.

"It also talks about post traumatic stress" China pointed out the lines he was talking about, "About war".

"War was a bad time for him, I never noticed it at the time and I guess still to this day I didn't understand" Germany said "I…When we first encountered each other and during the first months through our alliance I did call him weak and useless. But I was just mad and stressed out, and he always seemed so okay with it…"

Was it just Romano who noticed this stupid theme?

"Romano…It talks about you in this last part" Spain said sadly "About how you should be the only Italy. Do you think maybe he did it because he thought it'd be better if you-"

"Don't be stupid! He'd never think that, me and him were a team from the start" Romano said with his hands against his hips, "I mean, I yell a lot, it's always been like that even before he was born. I expressed wanting to be important and alone, but he was always okay with i-".

There it was.

Even he was saying it.

He felt like his heart stopped right there; Just frozen in place. His eyes gazing wide down at the papers.

"What is it?" Germany asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Why do we keeping saying that?" he asked.

Germany raised a confused eyebrow at him. A bunch of confusing expressions followed him.

"Why do we keep saying that he was okay with it? We don't even know if he was, we don't even know what he was thinking" Romano said "What if we were hurting him and he just said he was okay…What if we're…Dammit!"

"Just say it" Germany told him.

"What if we're all to blame for this?" Romano looked up at everyone else. His face grew flustered, his eyes squinting, his feelings becoming overwhelming.

"I mean, god, we never even really asked him if he was okay. We just assumed he was but maybe he wasn't?"

His fists clenched up as he spoke.

"He must have been so miserable…" Romano's speech ended with that.

Germany looked through the rest of them in hope of finding a different answer: One that wasn't so pitiful.

"He talked to me on sleepless nights" Japan mentioned "I just assumed it was tired rambling. I would just stay onto the line until he fell asleep. But he talked about feeling stupid, and other things like not being able to talk to people like equals. And Germany, he always talked about wanted to please you…And Romano"

"You might be right" Germany told him, looking back at the papers,"But he does talk about how upset he was that he could vocalize his feelings. He had issues trying to make sense of what he said, he even had issues making sense of what he wrote. Maybe he was trying to tell us he wasn't okay, but he couldn't make it known, and then he got mad so he-".

"I don't know!" Romano grasped onto his head in anger "This is just too complicated! I don't think we can even figure this out on our own…If only he was still here to just tell us".

The mood in the room became gleamy.

It was just pure sympathy all around. Everyone felt a little responsible for Italy's untimely death.

"Maybe…" England's voice spoke up "Maybe we _can _ask him".

* * *

**_I like where this is going :,) thank you again for the people that like this story. I'm sorry my updates are so slow, again, this is a very hard time for me at the moment, but writing always picks my spirits up. _**

**_Leave a review if you can! I'd love to read them _**


	5. Chapter 5

"What kind of weird shit are you spurting out?" Romano questioned England the minute those few words slipped out of his mouth.

"I mean, I've never tried anything like this before but I know how to work my way around magic" England explained himself "I remember reading something about spells that allow temporary resurrection. I know it sounds complicated, but if we wanted to ask Italy- You still have the body, right?"

"I'm not letting you mess around with my brother's body!" Romano defensively pointing a finger out at him, "No! You're NOT touching him"

"It's worth a try though. I promise it won't hurt his body in anyway. It's only trial and error" England assured him.

"Everyone's having a hard time figuring it out as is" Russia piped in from where he sat close by, "It's worth a try".

"I really don't like hearing that from you, thanks" Romano spit at him sarcastically. There was a reason he never liked attending to these meetings. He hated everyone even more now that his brother was gone.

"Romano" Japan gently poked at his side, causing Romano to turn around and look at him.

"I do think we should try. Think about how good it'll be if it does work" Japan told him.

He honestly couldn't stay mad at Japan.

"...Okay" he said "Okay, why the hell not. Mess around with my brother's dead body, see what fucking happens..."

Everyone grew weary of his behavior. Romano's anger and hate was so justifiable. While many kept quiet, England at least be respectful.

"You can hate me all you want after this. Even if this doesn't work I can at least pay my respects to Italy" he said.

"Do any of you mind if I come along?" america raised his hand for attention.

"Can I come too?" France sheepishly asked.

Russia, China, and Spain also asked to come along.

Feeling overwhelmed, Romano raised both his hands. "Okay, You guys can come but no one else. I don't want to have a fucking party".

"Understandable" England said. He turned to the rest of the nations that sat by the long table, "Due to this affair some of us nations are going to go. I'm sure you can fill in. Bulgaria, do you think you can keep charge in case something happens?"

Bulgaria nodded.

The ones selected all left, taking their cars over to Romano's house. They all drove one after the other on the highway and all pulling into Romano's drive way.

Romano wasn't quite ready to host guests so he stood awkwardly to the side after unlocking the door.

England made his way in first, taking his 'magic stuff' out of his bag.

"Dude why do you carry that stuff on you?" America asked "Not that it's bad cause it's good timing, but really…".

"Old habit, I guess. Whatever you call it" England took out his book and turned to Romano, "I'm so sorry for intruding, but where's Italy?".

"He's um-" Romano was going to answer until Germany stepped in. "He's upstairs, I'll bring him down" Germany said, he patted Romano on the shoulder and made his way to his destination.

Romano found himself silently thanking Germany.

"Alright, take him down to the basement!" England told Germany. After he was out of sight, England asked "You have a basement right? We'll need some space".

"Yeah" Romano motioned for them all to follow him. They traveled down the thin cut stairs. His basement was pretty spacey despite all of his brother's art stuff that was pushed to the side.

Unfinished canvases Italy left behind were littered around the corners of the room.

"Oh this is nice" England stated. He looked into his book and took out a small piece of white chalk. He paced around for a bit but then made a few marks, drawing them into each other to form a star shape.

He stood up and whipped the chalk off his hands. "I have enough individual candles I think. We could improvise. I never expected I'd do something so complicated".

Spain walked over closer to Romano, invading his recently put up tight personal bubble.

"You going to be okay?" he asked.

"Not sure how to answer that" Romano said honestly "This looks demonic as hell but…I can't think of anything else to do. If it does work, there's something I want to tell him".

"I want to tell him something too" Spain told him "I never thought he was the type of person who needed reassurance, but if he only told me I could have coddled him".

"You are good at that" Romano admitted, he himself failed to be the caring type. He always meant well but he was never able to make it out. "There's a lot of things I think we all missed. God, we're all fucking oblivious. The longer this day goes on the more I realize just how hard it must have been for him. I never knew how observant he was, and how much he could take and what his limit was. I- We crossed the limit".

Spain looked with sympathy and was going to answer him when the rest of the room's attention was towards Germany bringing down the man in question.

He still kept the sheet over his body in hopes that they could keep it on. But they both knew this process would require showing his face.

"Is this really going to work?" Germany looked down puzzlingly at the odd display.

"It's worth a try" England said as he finished lighting the 5th candle, "Alright. You have to take the sheet off…".

England's voice drifted off as he caught the drift on why Germany himself was so reluctant. Germany stood silently but showed that he understood and took Italy to the center of the star.

He placed Italy on the ground just barely. Germany placed his legs down and kept his forearm around Italy's back.

He through the white sheet off revealing Italy's horrid display.

Italy just looked too pale; Too fragile.

"Okay, lay him down, just like that" England ordered.

Germany lowered Italy down gingerly. It contradicted his strong stature to treat Italy's glass-like figure with such gentleness.

Once he was on the ground, Germany backed up.

He didn't like the way Italy looked, laying down in the middle of some weird dark magic star.

Romano quickly grew emotional. Just seeing Italy was a trigger to him, he covered his face and breathed into his hands. Spain kept his hand around Romano protectively, he had tears in his own eyes.

Everyone seemed to die a little inside just seeing Italy's dead body.

It shouldn't be.

Italy should never be seen in such a way.

England seemed to have chocked on his own spit a bit because he had to clear his throat to give the next instructions. "Alright, if this is really going to work I think you all should back up".

Everyone backed away without saying anything. Romano hated where he thought it was going but England promised his body wouldn't be harmed and so far all that really was there was just candles and a chalk drawn star.

"You need a live blood sacrifice, so can I have a knife?" England asked politely.

France and America gasped out loudly.

"You are not killing yourself for this! You hear me!?" France yelled at him from behind America.

"I said blood sacrifice, I just need to cut a bit" England rolled his eyes, he looked back at the book to confirm himself, "Yeah, it can just be anyone as long as it's human and not dead".

"I still don't like the sound of it" France told him.

"Oh please, would you all just man-up" Romano piped in, one of Italy's trimming knives in his hand that he used to use for art, "I've got this".

He sliced the palm upon swiftly. Inside he felt like crying, but it felt more right that his blood would be used for it.

"Where do I put it?" Romano walked over next to where England was hunched over.

"Here it says place of ailment. So his injury" England told him.

"He stabbed himself 3 times though"

"Through all 3 of them then".

Romano placed two of his fingers in his bloody palm and gently whipped some through the holes in Italy's flesh. He cringed a bit at the feeling but completed it successfully.

"Alright, now let's try this out" England placed both his hands down onto the ground at the bottom of the star with the book resting in his lap.

"Pervenient ad vitam. Accipere peccatum nostrum. VIII diebus" England spoke in a dead language "Pervenient ad vitam. Accipere peccatum nostrum. VIII diebus".

The atmosphere in the room grew increasingly darker. The fire lit on the candle top grew stronger, flames erupted around them. The ground seemed to shake a bit.

"Pervenient ad vitam. Accipere peccatum nostrum. VIII diebus" England chanted one last time.

"Italy Veneziano. If you're soul has a will to be reanimated, take this offer now!" England screamed into the growing center flame floating just above Italy's body, "Or forever hold your peace".

Romano bit his lip, hoping that it would work. He though it was stupid before but in the heat of the moment he really wanted it to work.

"This won't work unless you have a will! Do you wish to be reanimated if only for 8 days!" he yelled into the flame.

"This is getting out of control" China yelled out to everyone else. He made everyone back up further, if anything else were to happen he was prepared to push everyone upstairs.

"England, you should give up. This is getting too out of hand!" France tried to coax him.

"No! We're going to do this!" Romano yelled in support for the plan.

His fists were clenched tightly together as he looked on at the spell taking it's place.

For less than a second he thought he saw a ghost. Something caught his eye and just disappeared. The way he felt after was a feeling he hadn't experienced since his grandfather died…

Then, after that, the flames went completely out and everything was quiet for a long time.

Slowly, Italy stood up fast without much strain. He was hunched over but he sat up all by himself.

He still had an unnerving dead look about him.

"By god…It worked" England fixed his posture and looked at what he had done, "Italy, are you alright?".

Italy's hand rubbed around his stab wounds. His head turned to look at England and everyone else.

He didn't look any much better than he did before. He still looked pale and thin with prominent dark circles under his eyes and his collar bone looked as if it was sticking out of his skin.

"Why…" his voice came out almost like a whisper.

"I'm sorry? Come again?" England asked with a desire to hear him.

"Why am I here…" Italy sounded so mortified to be back in the world of the living, "I-I've still got holes in me, why am I here?".

No one knew what to say.

They weren't sure if they should be happy or sad.

"…Why…"

Romano knew they had gone too far after that. They messed with how the world worked, they brought back someone who wasn't ready to be back.

Yet selfishly, he was happy to see that face again.

Through Italy's sickening sobs, Romano was the first to approach him.

"Hey" Romano spoke to him gently, sitting down right next to him. He looked sickly; shaking uncontrollably and making horrible noises out of fear and confusion.

"The spell said 8 days right? You only have to stick with us for 8 days, and if you really want to, you can go back" Romano said "But I really want you to stick with us right now. We're going to fix everything, especially me, especially those idiots over there you call friends. I want you to tell us everything, even if it doesn't make sense, I want you to just pour everything out. And you know what we're going to do this time? We're going to listen".

Romano cupped Italy's chin in his hands to make his little brother make eye contact with him.

"I want you to be around to see this"

* * *

**_Italy's got 8 days to decide wether he wants to be alive or not. If he has a will to live he can cling back to his body and receive help for his injuries but right now he's technically "un-dead". Like a zombie. _**

**_Grandpa Rome WAS actually there and he was the one who pushed Italy back into his body because he wants best for his grandsons. _**

**_I played a little bit with the words so I have a theme going on and this story will end with a good moral. _**

**_I really have to thank everyone for their nice words. I've never felt happier. _**

**_Things have unfortunately been shitty. I don't have the best mother in the world and my dad isn't around anymore. I've been in a mental hospital before and whenever things don't go my mom's way she likes to threaten to throw me back in there. I've always been flunking out of school since I've lost the will to even try these days, money problems, and self-harm has always been a key tool to helping me deal with things. Because I mine as well have physical pain to make up for my mental pain. _**

**_Can't go to much into detail, but that's what's been going on if anyone's been wondering. I'm trying my best, I really am. That's the best thing I can say really. _**

**_And I love writing things out, especially about depressing topics with good extended metaphors and morals. _**

**_Because Honestly, as shitty as I feel, I can't bring myself to write a bad ending because everything deserves to have a good ending. _**

**_And to all of you sweethearts who read this, I want you to learn something good from this too. _**

**_So thank you all so much for all the reviews and for caring in general. _**

**_This chapter wasn't my honest favorite but I'm betting the next one will be a lot better :)_**


	6. Chapter 6

Italy constantly rubbed his hands; Back and fourth. It was like he was trying to bring feeling back into them.

They had dressed him in the warmest possible thing they could find him and that was one of Romano's own sweatshirts with the words 'Italia' printed on it. Even with that, Italy didn't seem any better.

Romano sat next to his brother on the bed he sat up in. Gently, he placed Italy's own letters on his lap.

"If you're up to talking, can you explain these to us?" Romano asked him carefully.

Italy scoured through the pile, and give a pitiful chuckle. He smiled but it wasn't his smile, like someone had just taken a whole different smile and placed it on his face.

"Would get mad if I said I didn't know?" he asked almost rhetorically.

"What do you mean you don't know?!" Romano's anger reached it's peak and he talked in a harsh tone, he quickly corrected himself. It wasn't right to yell at his brother when he was in such a sensitive state.

"Romano-" Germany quickly called him out to back down.

"If you're asking what my reasons are for killing myself then that's my answer, I don't know. I was thinking about how I could explain myself and I couldn't find one god damn reason" Italy swore bitterly "There, you got what you want".

Romano had no idea how to even respond to Italy's behavior. He obviously didn't want to be talked to. Romano couldn't even blame him.

Everyone in and outside the room were quiet, eventually Germany spoke his mind. He took a deep, long breath as he said, "We messed up. He doesn't even know and we pulled him out of resting in peace for this. Just look at him, he's miserable!".

Germany motioned to his friend who sat in the bed looking up at them with a dead look in his eyes.

"I don't get it, he talked about so many different reasons as to why he was so upset" England said "How does he not know?".

"Italy?" Japan tried to ask him for confirmation but Italy quickly grew irritated and threw both of his fists onto the mattress.

"Shut up!" he practically screamed.

Japan backed up immediately.

"We shouldn't have disturbed him" Germany told everyone "For all we know he was actually happy up there".

"How long is this weird resurrection spell supposed to last?" China asked, peering over to England who was flipping through his book.

"8 days like I said. How it's supposed to work is he's undead for solid 8 days, by the end of the last day he has the choice to either leave or cling back to his body for good" England explained "So, he gets whatever he wants at the end of all this".

"Do you hear that Italy, you can choose what you want" Russia spoke so Italy could be included in their conversation, he stuck to the lighter side of things, "We won't stop you".

"Russia-" America tried to cut him off, knowing well that no one in that room wanted Italy to leave for good.

But Russia kept a calm smile on his face, "We can't force anything on him. It's his life anyway. Whatever makes him happy".

Italy gained a new apprehensive look on his face. He sunk back a bit, his eyes looking up at Russia with sadness.

For just a short little bit, Italy they knew came back.

"I wasn't happy" Italy admitted "I just…I don't know".

Romano held his hand and Italy's weak presence made itself known by squeezing Romano's hand back; Just barely.

"You're going to be okay, we'll figure this out" Romano assured him "So you sit tight and…We've got 8 days. I bet we can work things out and make you want to to stay".

Italy didn't look too convinced or even hopeful at all.

Romano sighed, "Well…I think it's time all you idiots left my house". He waved his hands at them, "Go, shoo!".

"But how are we going to solve this if we don't-" England tried to argue. Romano went full on bull on all of them like they were red fabric.

"We'll figure things out tomorrow. But right now, I think we're all done for today. Out".

"Can I stay?" Germany asked.

"Yes you can" Romano approved.

"Um…Do you mind?" Japan poked in.

"You can stay too".

"Romano, can I stay too! Please!" Spain asked.

Romano increasingly became annoyed, "Yes, you can because I know you'll whine if I do. There we go, the room is full. Goodbye, see you tomorrow!"

Once Romano got everyone else out of the room he pressed his back against the room and let out a deep sigh.

"What are you going to do tomorrow?" Germany couldn't help but ask.

"I don't know" Romano rubbed his face tiredly "We'll figure it out later, I could tell Veneziano was getting pissed off". He sat back next to his brother and pressed his cheek against Italy's shoulder, "That doesn't happen much. You okay? Or are you just lil' grumpy".

Romano spoke in an almost silly-like tone. He couldn't manage to bring a smile to Italy's face but he got a lighthearted response, "Just a little grumpy" Italy said.

"I really am sorry Italy. About everything, I can finally say this to your face now" Germany's eyes were focused on him with sincerity, "I feel like I could have prevented what happened".

"You couldn't…" Italy told him.

"But I should have, shouldn't I? I mean you used to rely on me for everything, I was like a knight in shining armor to you" Germany laughed a bit at how he phrased it. He knelt down on Italy's opposite side.

"Why is it that the one time you needed someone the most you didn't just call me?" Germany asked.

"I was scared" Italy answered simply.

"Scared of what? Me?" Germany sounded sad at the thought that his previous unapproachable and intimidating stature got the best of Italy. But Italy wasn't like that, he wasn't even anywhere close of being afraid of Germany.

"Scared of being annoying to you" Italy said just above a whisper. His voice was hoarse and it sounded painful just hearing him making out words.

"Is that why you killed yourse-"

"NO! That's not it!" Italy screamed, he held up his shaking hands and hid his face in them, "I just don't know. There was so much going on…".

Romano had no idea what to say so he simply ruffled up Italy's hair in a silent way of saying 'I've got you'.

"I-I tried to write everything down" Italy explained through short cut-breaths, "I had no real reason. One day I just decided I was done and I was going to do it. I sat down a-and tried to write it down and…An absolute mess happened".

"Which one made you really want to…You know" Spain asked.

"I don't know what hurt worse. I-It all hurt" Italy said "And before I knew it I already put a hole through my chest".

"So, seriously, Italy tell us everything" Germany said.

"I-"

"Don't hold back"

"I don't-"

"You have to explain everything, literally everything you feel in this letter and you need to-"

"Stop it!" Italy promptly screamed and pulled at his hair in stress, "Stop it! Just stop!".

"Alright, alright that's it you guys are leaving to" Romano stood up, accepting that his brother's boundaries were breached.

"Wait! I didn't meant to-" Germany tried to apologize and make his way back to Italy's side.

Hunching them together, Romano poked his face in between both Germany and Japan's shoulders with Spain close by their side. He whispered, "If you really want to stay wait downstairs for me, okay? He needs to be alone".

There was a silent agreement made and the rest of the nations slipped out of the door.

Romano closed it behind him and talked in a more serious tone, "You're usually not like this…You aren't feeling alright, aren't you".

Italy shook his head.

"This has really messed you up…" Romano stated the obvious, "God, I'm sorry…i wanted to see you again so bad. It was selfish of me really. I threw you to the side so many times and the moment I realized I fucked up I screwed with the way the world works just to pull you back from the dead".

"…It was a nice gesture at least" Italy told him quietly, his legs were pulled up to his chest and his arms were wrapped around it. He had formed a small ball of himself, hiding away in his sweater and bed covers.

"Yeah, but it shouldn't have come to that. I've never been a good sibling, I get that, you get that…" Romano continued on, "Oh god…Did you see grandpa up there? I bet he hates me…".

"No, he doesn't hate you. He was more mad at me than anything. When you guys were doing that weird ritual thing I was with him in the room and then he pushed me and then…I was back in my old body".

Romano's mind took him back to the ghostly figure he saw in the room.

"I mean, I don't know why for sure. Grandpa really wasn't that forceful with discipline before-" Italy droned on. Romano took a hold of his shoulders and looked into Italy's tired eyes, "He's not mad at you. He wants you with us. He wants you to have a second chance at this".

Italy blinked silently.

"Call me crazy but I really have faith in you being here now. Let me help you, okay? I'll do whatever you want. Whatever will make you want to stay" Romano told him.

"…Then you wouldn't be acting like yourself then, would you…" Italy said nonchalantly with a serious look on his face.

"I know I'm a horrible brother, I'm trying-"

"No Romano. You aren't a horrible brother, you're just being you. That's who you are and I respect that. Your insults towards me never faced me because I knew they had no intention of being hurtful" Italy said "You don't have to change just to make me want to live because then I'd be living a lie".

Romano took a pause to process what Italy said. Every line in that sentence was logical.

"You really are a poet" Romano told him with a smile, slowly, he laid down next to Italy on the bed. He propped up his head with his elbow. "You know, they say smartest people are the saddest excuse they think of so much".

"I'm not smart" Italy told him.

"You just told me what sounded like Da Vinci himself, that's pretty smart" Romano said.

"Then that's the first smart thing I've said in centuries" Italy said "Every time I try to explain something, speak my mind, or whatever you call it, I always sound stupid. When I can't think of anyway to contribute I blurt out whatever's on my mind, maybe purposefully cause a few laughs to brighten up the room. I hated political work anyway. I liked people being happy and not so hell bent up in all the bad stuff going on around us".

Romano listened to every word intently. He realized he never actually sat down and had a long intent talk with his brother like this before. They would usually go their separate ways, only sticking together in times of happiness or just brotherly quarrel. It was the first time Italy had ever talked to him so seriously.

"I knew I sounded stupid, people don't think so, but as much as I love being around people they make me nervous as hell…I always feel like I'm going to say the wrong thing and most times I do" Italy began to grow less anxious looking and more lax, pressing his back against the headboard.

"People also started taking how I smile all the time for granted. But, you know, some one had to. Especially during World war II".

"Lay down" Romano convinced his brother. Italy lay next to him, face-to-face with Romano.

"I just didn't have anything to contribute. I thought a lot but that meant nothing with war or politics. I hate war so much…I told Grandpa he had to stop expanding because neighboring empires were getting mad. He kept saying that 'he could beat them' and then he got stabbed. The same thing happened with another empire I knew, I told him not to try to build up to what my grandpa was, he couldn't do it…He died too. I have no idea how" Italy continued to talk "It scared me so much, every time you left. Every time Germany left too. Because even though you said you'd be back I was never really sure, because that's what Holy Roman Empire said too".

His eyes were obviously growing tired since Italy had to fully close them as he continued his story.

"Of course, on top of paranoia I wanted to make sure everyone was okay. Then people would get mad when I was paranoid, but I don't think they get it"

"Nah they don't get it, they're the stupid ones" Romano assured him as he continued talking.

"I always felt bad about the Italy title. I mean, even though I know why you gave it to me it still made me feel bad because no one saw you as Italy too. I felt like I was hogging all the attention or something"

"No, you aren't hogging any attention"

"But it felt like that…A lot. And I felt bad…I felt bad about a lot of things now that I think about it. It became overwhelming after awhile and I forgot what made me so sad to begin with…I was just…Sad…I couldn't stop feeling that way and I got so tired of getting up in the morning and going to work, I was just tired of all of it…So I thought I could just make it stop…" Italy talked on sleepily.

Though Romano wanted to hear more of his story, he let Italy drift off. Just the fact that he was calm enough to start talking to him about it was good enough for him. He deserved to sleep anyway.

"You are right, you just don't know" Romano told him, gently caressing Italy's cheek. His brother was still cold, he was still practically a walking corpse but something about his state right now captivated him. He felt as though he was watching a sleeping child.

Once he got no response, he slowly stood up and fixed the bed sheets so Italy was fully covered.

Content with the information he got, he gathered up the letters and went to go see the other's downstairs.

On the way out the door he felt something warm roll down his cheek.

A single tear was shed.

It was from Romano himself.

* * *

**_Things are starting to add together and they're going to start figuring out what exactly happened to Italy. I can't give anything away but I'm sure some people here can understand Italy's explanation a bit (In regards of mental illness)_**

**_Again, I'm putting my experiences into these chapters. _**

**_As sappy as it sounds, this is almost a part of my life in this little story. _**

**_It started out as an angry vent writing and all of you helped me turn this into a full out story. _**

**_So thank you!_**

**_And again, thank you SO much to all the kind reviews and PMs. I've never gotten so much positive criticism in my life :,) _**

**_You're all amazing people _**


	7. Chapter 7

Germany, Japan, and Spain all stood up once Romano made his way back downstairs.

"How is he?" Germany was the first to ask.

"Asleep" Romano answered "Once he calmed down he talked to me and then tired himself out".

"Well that's a relief. I was worried something was wrong" Japan sighed happily, obviously sticking to the positive side, "Did he seem a bit more like himself?".

"Yeah, he's still in there, I promise you. He's just stressed, I mean hell, we put a lot on him" Romano said as he sat down on the couch, he unfolded some of the letters in his hands. "Um…I think I may have figured out what's wrong".

The others quickly sat next to him intent on listening.

"What is it?" They all said simultaneously.

Romano cringed at how loud they were. Fixing his stature, he said "I'm not too sure but there's definitely more than one reason why he killed himself. He told me a lot of things but one wasn't a bigger trigger over another. They all had the same effect".

"So what are we even going to conclude on? The post traumatic stress? The bullying?" Germany started listing out.

"I don't know, stop pestering me! I'm trying to explain this!" Romano growled at him "Geez, now I know why Veneziano was so worked up".

"Make fun of me all you want later, I need to know what did it. I want to help him" Germany emphasized.

"He said every single thing that bothered him in these letters made it hard to tell what he was really sad about at times. Like, he would feel sad without knowing the reason and it became overwhelming. So when he tried to write it all out it come out as…This" Romano motioned to the letters, "I don't really know what to think of it".

"Depression maybe?"

They all turned to the person who suggested it. Spain blinked confusingly at all the sudden attention and repeated his statement, "Depression disorder is like an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It interferes with daily life, normal functioning, and causes a lot of pain to people even without reasoning".

Romano looked down. A sense of realization came over him.

"I mean, just a thought" Spain ended his sentence on a passive note.

"No, that makes _a lot_ of sense" Romano told him "We kept making it seem like there had to be a reason behind what he did but he was really just overwhelmed with various reasons. When I think of it, no one triggered anything before his suicide. He was just sad and stressed out…God, that has to be hard to live with. Can't believe he never fucking said anything".

"Maybe he didn't know" Japan offered his own opinion.

"Maybe, but that idiot always likes keeping secrets" Romano sunk down into the couch, his own tiredness catching up to him. He let out a deep exhale and suck his hands in his pockets. "This is the first time he's ever told me of this Holy Roman Empire person he liked apparently, and how he felt like he was oppressing me or something. I mean where does he get that from?".

"Depression can make a person blame themselves for silly nonexistent things. From what I read, it can make you want to give up your life too" Spain said.

"Spain where did you read this? Is it something I can look up?" Germany asked.

"Uh It was a mental health book I was given awhile ago. I don't think I still have it though" Spain told him "I think you can look it up on the internet".

Germany rushed over to where Romano had his own laptop propped up against the kitchen counter.

"So he ends up with depression? Then what do we do?" Romano asked. Both Japan and Spain exchanged glances at a loss of what to say.

They both shrugged.

Japan's expression perked up as he remembered something, "Oh, I forgot. I recorded one of my conversations with Italy. I was planning on showing someone but i forgot". He took out a tiny old fashioned hand held recorder.

"Germany! You might want to come over and hear this!" Spain called out to Germany who was knelt against the counter typing away. He took the laptop with him and brought it over to where everyone else was.

The audio sounded fuzzy when Italy talked but that was mostly because Japan recorded it with Italy on his phone.

_"__Thanks for staying up with me Japan…" _Italy's sad droned on voice spoke.

Japan's voice spoke more powerfully in the audio.

_"__That's alright. I don't mind talking to you. Why do you think you can't sleep tonight?"_

_"__I'm nervous…"_

_"__About what?"_

_"__I don't know…I just am nowadays. It used to be a lot worse in the 40's definitely but it hasn't gone away. I can't shake off certain thoughts and they keep me up at night"_

_"__Where's Romano?"_

_"__He left…He's with Spain I hope. Wait, he didn't tell me he just left…Oh god, I hope he's okay. I don't-"_

_"__I'm sure he's fine. I'm sorry I asked, I was just wondering if you were really alone" _

_"__Yeah I'm alone…". _

Romano gulped. He had left his brother alone, but he always assumed he was just fine with it. They were separated for such a long time he didn't even think it mattered if he left him or not.

Had he really upset him by ignoring him so much?

_"__It's going to be okay Italy. I'm here and I've got all day" _

_"__Thank you Japan. I just, don't get why I'm like this sometimes. Some days I feel good enough but then everything jus gets worse, especially when night time comes around"_

_"__Why do you think that is?"_

_"__I think too much at night. I can dumb myself enough during the day but when it's night I just think about…Everything. Sometimes nothing even happens but I get sad over stuff that happened in the past and I look back at myself and discover I'm utterly stupid"_

_"__You aren't stupid"_

_"__I can't handle business work for shit. I could built up stuff during the industrial age, I could handle a decent shot but I was always such a wimp I'd never go through with anything. And god, whenever Germany looks at me in meetings I can tell he thinks I'm stupid". _

Germany didn't display much emotion when he heard Italy say that on the recorder. He did seem disappointed in himself for making Italy think that.

_"__Well I never thought you were stupid"_

_"__You probably did at some point…" _

_"__You don't trust me?"_

_"__No, I do! I just…Can't tell at times. I'm sorry. I'm a real mess, I've always been a mess. The worst part is sometimes I feel like just giving up". _

_"__Giving up? On what?"_

_"__Everything…I don't know, sometimes I just want to sleep for a really long time…Like a year maybe? I kinda want to be punched in the face too, or the gut"_

_"__Why?"_

_"__Don't know. Sometimes I want to feel physical pain to, you know, feel something to equal out what goes on in my head"_

_"__Aren't those pills supposed to help you?" _

"Pills?" Romano questioned out loud and looked at Japan, "What pills?"

"Shh" Japan shushed him.

_"__I don't feel them working all the time. They usually just make me tired. They do calm me down, but whenever I get nervous I feel like they're wearing off and then I overdose…I'm not good at this stuff, Japan" _

_"__That's okay, I'll help you" _

_"__Thanks for prescribing me them though. They've been helping at least…" _

_"__No problem. Do you feel more tired now?"_

_"__Yeah…Thanks…" _

_"__Sleep well, okay? I'll see you tomorrow" _

The audio clicked off.

"That was two days before he committed suicide. I was going to show it to you but then everything else happened" Japan said.

"Yeah, okay. But what about pills? Were you drugging him or some shit?!" Romano lashed out at him. Not knowing about some supposed 'pills' his brother was taking made him cautious and over all nervous.

"They're on the shelf antidepressants. He came to me and asked me for some help but he didn't want me saying anything" Japan explained "Though he did tell me he told you…"

"He…Did'" Romano suddenly remembered the day Italy had pulled out a tiny bottle of pills and told Romano they were his. He looked back at the kitchen counter to see the tiny orange bottle still sitting there.

"He told me…A couple years ago actually" Germany remembered as well, "When did you give them do him?"

"I gave him a test bottle around 1941. He said he'd try anything and after a few years he told me he wanted to try something else since in the 1950s when more efficient ones specifically for depression were invented. Why?"

"He told me about them once. Yeah, I told him I was going out to settle things with England and he begged me not to leave because his 'medication was wearing off'…I just assumed he was on some sort of crazy medicine" Germany said "It was really antidepressants?"

"He said he needed something to help him stop his panic fits. I did what I could" Japan said "Obviously he needed something more than pills".

"Well…We have antidepressants down. Now let's see the last factor, Germany, what does it say about depression online?" Spain asked.

Germany scrolled down the article and read it out loud.

"Um…It has a few definitions listed out. 1, feelings of severe despondency and dejection. 1, A serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way" Germany said "…Does that sound like Italy to any of you?"

"I really want to say no, but…Go on" Spain said.

"Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living. More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out" of. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don't get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychological counseling or both. Other treatments also may help…The threat of suicide is real" Germany read "Those who suffer often feel hopeless and easy things quickly becomes torture. Suicide often becomes the only way a depressed person can escape besides self harm. Usually, a depressed and suicidal person will remain quiet and keep their struggles to themselves. This leads to sudden suicide that surprises others. If you believe a loved one is depressed you should pay close attention to them, and let them know you are there and care for them or else there is a huge possibility that they will loose their fight with depression alone".

Germany was completely silent after.

"So what do you think?" Romano asked Japan, "You seem to be the one who understands him the most. Do you really think he has depression?"

It took Japan a minute to respond, after thinking it over in his head he said "I do. I didn't understand half the things he said until I just now learned the definition. I think he really needs help and he really needs people to be there for him".

Spain and Germany still didn't say anything.

"Then it's settled now. We know what's wrong…We solved the puzzle" Romano said, then he walked off into the kitchen, "Call everyone else and tell them the news".

"Where are you going?" Germany asked.

"If these pills really help him then he should take him. I'll be right back" Romano retreated upstairs before anyone could say anything else.

He sat next to where Italy lay on their bed. He was basically just a lump under the covers.

"Hey" Romano ruffled up his brother's hair to make him stir "I, uh…Have your pills".

Italy shifted over to look at him. His eyes set sight on the pills and he sat up on the bed to take them.

"When's the last time you took these?" Romano asked.

"Weeks ago I think. I gave up on them for awhile" Italy held the bottle in his bony hands "I should probably take two".

"Is two the serving size?"

"Yeah, why?"

Romano looked down, "Eh, nothing".

Italy swallowed down two of the capsules with ease and placed the bottle down on the nightstand. He lay back down and curled up in the covers again, showing no intention of wanting to be up and attentive.

He was tired, and Romano could understand that.

Romano found himself laying down next to him as well but keeping himself above the covers and propped up.

"Hey Vene, can I ask you something?"

Italy hummed a yes.

"You know I don't hate you, right?"

Italy's head shot up in surprise, "Of course I don't hate you!".

"That's good…I um…I know I'm not the nicest person out there. I know it's also because we were raised differently. Spain was easy on me and I only worked if I wanted to and…Austria would beat you if you didn't".

"Child laws weren't really around and that time and he's a nice man-"

"But he still hurt you. Veneziano, you can't just ignore the fact that you were hurt. I hurt you too, remember?" Romano said "I mean, I'm not the best with words. I have a very extensive vocabulary. I have to admit right here, I was always mad that you were better at me in everything but…That's because I don't even try…And you've been trying all your life".

Italy listened in attentively. His eyes didn't even attempt to close and go back to sleep, he was intent on listening to Romano's epiphany.

"God, you never deserved a lot of things that happened to you. Even if you made the wrong decision, I make bad decisions too and somehow your the one who always has to pay the heavy price…I don't blame you for being tired of it all…I don't blame you for wanting to give up" Romano spoke to him "But I love you so much, and I'm an idiot because I never knew how amazing my baby brother was until he was gone. I never realized how lonely I would be without a brother until I didn't have a brother anymore".

Romano wrapped his arms around Italy's body, pulling him against his chest and rubbing his back. He was never big on physical contact, he felt suffocated whenever someone grew too close to him…But his brother loved this kind of stuff.

"You aren't stupid, okay? I'm sorry I called you that. I called you many names and I never knew how much they would stick to you" Romano apologized "You're a good kid".

Italy chocked out a tiny "Thank you". It sounded and felt both sincere and so sad.

Romano finally entered Italy's boundaries.

He finally found how his brother ticked.

He was one step closer to fixing what was broken for so long.

* * *

**_Things finally are starting to look up for me :,) I'm kinda afraid to say things are better because whenever I think I'm finally in the clear something bad happens lol_**

**_But so far things are okay situation wise. _**

**_I did work something in that's been bugging me for awhile. _**

**_Some fans seem to ignore that Romano can be really hurtful towards Vene. I mean, they're brothers they fight. But the fandom always gets mad and villainies Vene but totally give Romano a free pass. _**

**_I hate when people talk shit about Vene to make Romano seem better. _**

**_So here we are, he's coming terms to the part of him that does blame things on Vene and the insults he throws at him._**

**_A good sibling relationship comes with compromise. _**

**_A depressed person should also be reminded that people love them and that they have people looking out for them. _**

**_If you know someone or think someone is depressed, please don't ignore it. Just telling them that you care is one of the best vibes you could give them. Honestly, I wish people did that for me. _**

**_Thank you all again for all your support and love ^3^ I hope to update soon_**

**_Oh btw, the puzzle that everyone was trying to fix turned put to be that Italy was suffering from mental illness. That was why it was so hard to pinpoint why he killed himself because there was so much going on. With depression, you can get sad over stuff that happened a long time ago or over fears that never actually happened. With depression you can feel completely hopeless without reason. That's why Italy couldn't even find a reason to write down in a suicide note._**


	8. Chapter 8

The next day rolled around, meaning Italy had 7 days left to decide.

Germany and the others went home after finding Romano had fallen asleep in Italy's bed.

Romano woke up early in the morning and retreated downstairs to make a huge somewhat breakfast. It really wasn't much of a breakfast at all, he was making the most simple pasta dish he could think of.

Even if Italy was technically undead he still had to eat, right?

He had his phone pressed up against his ear and shoulder as he stirred the noodles in the boiling water.

"What should we even do today? We only have so much time and now that I think about it we never do anything interesting anymore. There's just work" Romano told Germany "He's just going to be spending his time here just being bored".

"Isn't he a sparkling extrovert? Japan's hosting a G8 meeting today, you can fly over with him if you can. It's just going to be our circle of 8 and not the whole world so it'll be less overwhelming" Germany said.

"Are you sure? He's been really fucking irritable. I'll be honest, I've never seen him so pissed off before. I mean, he actually yelled at _you_" Romano emphasized the part that Italy had snapped at Germany.

"I know. This time I'll be sure to be weary of him. I at least want to try this" Germany told him "We're trying to convince him to stay with us, I'm sure everyone else will be acting their best for him".

"…Okay" Romano decided "I'll go. I guess I'll be doing all the work though, god dammit".

"This is for a good cause. You know that"

"Yes I know!" Romano snapped "I'll see you later. Bye".

It would take a lot of work to motivate himself to do what was usually his brother's job. Italy was better at working than he was, that's why he went to all the meetings.

"Suck it up, you can do this" Romano told himself after inhaling a deep breath, "For Veneziano".

"What for me?" a voice asked him. His brother stood at the stairs, grasping onto the railing to keep himself upright.

He still looked exhausted; Definitely undead.

"Food" Romano said point blank, pointing at what he made, "Come down and eat some".

Italy smiled and walked downstairs. He was still wearing Romano's oversized jacket to keep him warm. Without saying much, he set the table for himself.

"I made it real simple. I wasn't sure if you could handle all the spices and stuff" Romano poured the past into a wide bowl and sprinkled on parmesan cheese. He also poured a bowl for himself and sat down at the table, opposite of Italy.

"So, I was thinking…We have a G8 meeting today. I was thinking of filling in for you, but would you like to come with me?" Romano asked "That German bastard wants to see you too".

"You'd still come?" Italy asked.

"Yeah" Romano bit into the food. He wondered, did Italy really think he wouldn't come along?

"I'd love to" Italy said with a cheeky smile and dug into his own food.

He was really starting to seem better. In fact, at that moment Romano almost thought he was completely better.

…That was until they actually flew over to them meeting.

When they landed it was nighttime in Japan's time zone, and of course that meant that no one would be over at his house and Japan was most likely asleep.

Romano and Italy hooked themselves up in a good hotel and prepared to sleep for a little bit. But, as expected, they couldn't.

"I can't believe it" Romano groaned "We can't even take a simple siesta".

"I can't believe I forgot about the time difference" Italy added his own two cents from where he sat on the bed with Romano. He looked down at his brother and said, "That's alright though. It's just one night without sleep".

"That's not like us though. We can sleep anywhere" Romano sat up next to him. Italy chuckled at his comment, "You're right, you're right". He turned the TV on with the remote from the nightstand. Italy stared at it intensely, though Romano wasn't even sure if he was really paying attention to what was on the TV, it look more like he needed something to just look at as he was deep in thought.

"Romano…Do you really think they'll be happy to see me" he asked in an overcast tone, "At the meeting".

Romano wasn't really sure how to answer so he stuttered out a pretty useless reply.

"Yeah, why?".

"I feel like I'm not really in place" Italy told him with his eyes still locked on the TV screen, "They've never liked to see me before, why would they now? Is it because I died?".

Romano couldn't even respond.

"Do you think they're going to treat me differently just because I died? Like, they'll lie to my face and everything just because I died…That's not how it should work"

"I'm sure things will be normal" Romano told him.

"But normal isn't better!" Italy turned to him, his eyes wide and glassy like he was about to cry. "They don't like me, not one has ever liked me…I don't think I feel comfortable going anymore".

"You can't flake out, we already decided what we are doing" Romano told him firmly "And Germany will be there. You like him".

Italy didn't answer. He just pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. He was silent for the rest of the night.

They took a cab to Japan's house.

Italy mustered up the confidence to dress himself up in work attire despite being cold. He shivered a bit in his suit, which was worrisome but hopefully it wouldn't last for long.

Romano noted that Italy seemed nervous and that nervousness was growing by the minute.

Once they stood at Japan's entrance, Romano silently told him that it was going to be okay.

When they walked in, all the eyes were on Italy.

That was probably what he had been dreading the whole time, the stares people would give him. At times like these Romano really wished Spain was a member of the G8, he was the most reasonably respectful with the feelings of others.

All of the nation's stares were kinda cold.

Maybe they didn't mean to be that way but that was the vibe Romano was picking up on. He was definitely sure Italy was picking up on that too.

"Nice to see you're doing well Italy, please sit down" Japan greeted him in a gentle tone.

Italy silently sat down in one of the two empty seats, Romano sat down next to him; Separating him from America.

"Usually we'd go over current events, but today there's something more important going on. So I lied to my boss about what we're doing here…I'm sure everyone knows what we're doing here, right?" Japan looked across the room.

Italy looked away and hid his face away from everyone else.

Were they really cornering him like that? Romano thought the meeting was just like any other but instead it was solely going to be about his brother's predicament.

"Wait-" Romano tried to stop him, but it was already too late.

All of their judging eyes narrowed down on his brother. His eyes just barely met up with them before they'd dart back to the floor.

"Italy?" Japan spoke to him.

Italy turned to the person who was talking to him. He looked fearful, as if Japan was going to do something horrible to him.

Admittedly it was hard to see him like that.

"Can I ask how you're doing?"

"Fine" Italy mumbled down a small reply and kept his gaze fixated at the floor.

Japan took a moment of silence before interrogating him again. "How do you feel about everything that's happened?".

Italy said nothing. His defensive walls immediately went back up, Romano could see it happening before him.

"I don't know" Italy finally replied.

"That's not an answer" Russia stated nonchalantly.

"I can't think of a good one to give you, okay? You'll hate what I say either way" Italy growled at him. Italy had the worst stink eye. He overall admitted an irritable glow around him.

"We just want to know you're true opinion on all of this so we can help you" France told him.

"Help me?" Italy's voice cracked with growing anger.

"Guys, maybe we should just leave him alone-" Canada passively added in. His comment was heard but avoided.

"For god's sake Italy, yes, we want to help you" England told him with exaggeration.

Italy's head shot up and looked at him with a hurtful expression. "You never cared before, why should you care now?!" he screamed at him. His voice echoed throughout the big meeting room.

"Italy-" Germany attempted to silence him but Italy kept going.

"If I asked you to help me a couple months ago you'd ignore it. You'd tell me to fix it myself or get over it. But now, now I'm undead and you all of a sudden have the will to help me? Now doesn't that sound like bullshit" Italy ranted with a powerful voice.

"Vene just stop" Romano's own anger was increasing.

"No! I'm done!" Italy shouted at him too "I really don't appreciate being lied to! If you don't like me you could at least be honest about it and quit pretending like you do. I know none of you even care that much. It's all to just prevent me from dying isn't it? If you did care then you should have told me _before I killed myself!". _

Italy stood up tall and strong, facing all of them with a disappointed and furious glare.

"I can't believe I don't even feel bad that I yelled at all of you…Maybe I'm finally being honest to myself".

With that, Italy stormed off and slammed the door behind him.

"Jesus christ…" Romano groaned out. He stood up himself and jogged after him, he wasn't in much of a hurry because he knew his brother couldn't have gone far.

"You're acting like a goddamn brat, Veneziano" Romano told him as he caught up to his brother walking down the hallway, "I know those busy are idiots but you don't have to be so fucking rude".

"Oh yes Romano, I know I'm a brat. I also know I'm stupid, useless, disappointing, annoying, and unwanted and that all came from you" Italy spoke both sarcastic and honest.

Romano didn't appreciate being talked back to and he lashed out as well. "Excuse me? Are you insulting me?!" he questioned.

Italy looked back at him, "No, I'm just repeating what came out of your mouth".

"Well it's all true, you're really being fucking stupid right now. We brought you back from the dead and we're treating you nicely, you should appreciate that you little brat!" Romano growled at him.

Italy stopped walking and swiftly turned around to face him. It cut Romano off entirely and he had no other choice but to stop walking himself.

"I never asked you to bring me back. I don't want to be alive, I never did" Italy told him "I wasn't even meant to be born, I was supposed to die just days after yet you and Grandpa decided to keep me alive even though you didn't want me…You just felt bad that I was given such a miserable and unexpected existence".

The words that came next stung Romano through his chest, making his stomach drop.

"You should have just done me the favor and let me die back then" Italy told him eerily, he then turned around and walked off.

Romano was at a loss for words. Never before has his brother's words hurt him so bad; It made him feel sick.

He felt as if he couldn't even move.

So he stood there shocked and frozen until the other nations came out to check on him.

"What happened?" Germany asked him, snapping him out of his trance.

"Uh…He said some stuff…" Romano said slowly, then his personality came back to him. He lit up with his previous anger, "He started acting like a fucking brat and stormed off, he even talked to me like I was inferior or some shit".

"Wait, he left the building?" Germany questioned "Romano! You shouldn't have let him do that!"

"He started it!" Romano talked back.

"Now you're sounding like the child. Just, tell me what made you so freaked out before…This is important" Germany said.

"He told me he never wanted to be born. Maybe he's fucking right, maybe we should have just let him die" Romano grumbled, it was very out of character of him and hurtful; But in the moment Romano didn't notice how horrible his own words were.

"He's your brother! You two are family. I've had feuds with my brother before but I never, not ever thought I'd want him dead" Germany lectured him "I know it's hard for you to swallow up your pride, but he needs someone there for him. You've said he's never been this angry before but he _is _angry, and he _needs_ someone to help him through it or he's never going to come back to us. We'll never see him smile again!"

"I'm not going to hold his fucking hand. He can handle it himself or he could just die if he wants to. I don't care" Romano stormed off himself, "He probably even took my fucking car".

When he got outside, Romano found that his car was still there.

"…Or not" Romano blinked in surprise.

"He left by himself? Man, that's not good. Where is he even going to go?" America stated.

"God, he's missing. God dammit" Germany grumbled to himself. He looked for Romano for help.

"Romano-"

Romano got into his car and turned on the engine.

"Where are you going?" Germany asked, yelling over the sound of the car starting.

"Back to my hotel. Veneziano can find his own way home" Romano replied bitterly, he pushed the gas peddle and took off. He could faintly hear Germany yelling at him as he drove away.

Romano glared angrily out the window. Just a little argument against him sent him right up the wall.

Guilt didn't exactly slip in until he made it to the hotel. When he was in his pajamas, staring at the same TV, he felt tears threatening to form in his eyes.

"God dammit..." He mumbled.

He reached over to the hotel phone and dialed a familiar number.

The phone rang three times until Spain picked up, "Hello?" Spain asked.

"Spain...I did something bad" he said quietly, his voice was barely over a whisper.

There wasn't much to be said at all, but he had to say it.

He messed up.

His words were dangerous.

Italy remembered every single insult, he guessed all along that Italy was bothered by what the nations said behind his back but he never thought it might have been what he said to Italy's face.

He could barely speak without slipping an insult in. Whenever he felt envious he would lash out at the one person who was patient with him. Even when it was Italy's turn to lash out, he didn't do anything to help him. He barely listened.

The night ended with Romano wallowing in self-pity. By tomorrow he had to face Italy himself...Wherever he was.

* * *

Guilt set in for Italy during the plane ride back to Europe.

He silently cried while staring out the plane window while watching the clouds.

Soon he flew away from Japan's home. However, where he was going wasn't his own phone.

It was around 2AM when he arrived at Austria's house.

He had to have rung the doorbell at least 30 times. He had to admit that he didn't expect anyone to be up at this time but he needed somewhere to go; He needed someone to be with.

"Who is it?" Austria yawned as he opened the door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

He woke up as soon as his eyes laid sight on Italy.

"Hi Mr. Austria" Italy said in a tiny voice.

Austria pulled him into a tight hug, placing his hand against the back of Italy's head and crying into his shoulder.

"Oh my god...It worked" Austria cried out. It didn't sound like him at all.

Seeing him must have triggered Austria's fatherly side. So much so that Italy found himself crying too.

Austria pulled himself out of the hug to look at Italy's face; As if to see if it was truly him and not a dream.

"I'm so relieved to see you again. But what brings you here at such a time?" He asked.

"I flew over here from Japan. I got mad and said some bad things...You were the first person I thought of to come to so...Can I come in?" Italy replied.

Austria quickly widened the door for him to slip in.

They spent the rest of the night sitting side-by-side on the couch together. The atmosphere was very lax; A lot more comfortable than people surrounding him and demanding answers out of him.

"So tell me Italy, how _are _you feeling?" Austria asked him calmly.

Since it was said to him in such a nice tone and he was also feeling a lot better (With setting in guilt), he answered. "I'm not really sure anymore…I guess I'm overwhelmed, a bit angry. Only I'm more guilty than angry".

"Are you really in the position to feel guilty? I mean, how you described it to me, it really does sound like those other nations are kissing up to because of your situation, and your brother wasn't really in the place to talk back to you".

"It's not Romano's fault at all though. I usually never get that mad anyway…Everyone was just really bugging me…I feel kinda useless. Like, how is it only now that people decide to listen to what I have to say? I don't even have anything to say and they keep pushing it…But it were any other time I could have told them everything" Italy droned on.

He pressed his face against the couch cushion and pouted, "I'm just stressed".

"I see, I can see how such a thing would stress you out. I personally am really sorry that you've been through so much…" Austria told him "And while I can, I'm so sorry if something I did in the past caused you dismay. You know I care for you deeply. My time with you was the closest to human I've ever been, I didn't mean to….Abuse you…In any such of form".

"Don't worry, I'm totally over it" Italy said, his tone was light but his face was still emotionless for the most part, "That was a long time ago, around the 14th century at least".

"Yeah, but I still hurt you" Austria stated.

"Yeah?" Italy responded confusingly.

Austria cleared his throat before he rephrased the question, "I mean, it still hurt, you can't just say you're okay with it. You have to say I accept your apology, or else your telling me it's okay if I do it again".

Italy processed in the new concept.

It made a lot more sense than just passing off what had stuck to him like glue.

"That does make sense, thank you Mr. Austria. I can always count on you" Italy thanked him.

"That's good" Austria stretched his arm over to pick up his hot beverage by the coffee table. Once it was in his hands, he asked "So, why is everyone making such a big to-do about this? You're alive, aren't you?"

"Not exactly" Italy placed a hand over his chest where his stab wounds, "The spell they used on me is supposed to make me undead for 8 days. Or now I guess just 7…They say I get to choose what I want in the end"

"So what do you want?" Austria asked.

"I don't know" Italy answered simply "I think I have an idea but…I don't think anyone else would like it…"

Austria picked up on what he was trying to reply and responded with understanding. "I'd really hate to see you go, but it is your choice. I'd rather you die happy than live a sad life. I just wish I could help you. You do have such a bright smile".

Italy chuckled and smiled, "That's what my grandpa always said".

"But what do you think will happen to your brother? I know he got mad at you, but he's the only family you have left. Of course you have me and Hungary and Prussia, but Romano's your blood-related brother" Austria said.

"With him…I'm not sure. He's never showed much interest in wanting to be around me, even when we live together. We've always been separated, for years we've only visited each other and when we unified we had a lot of trouble getting along" Italy explained "I wanted to re-connect but he just has issues with socializing, so I tried to help him…He doesn't really like that either. He ditched me around the industrial period; Moved in with America…And god, then WWII happened…I was sure he'd hate me forever".

He paused, then continued on.

"I think the only reason he agreed to moving in with me was because of what happened to me after I surrendered…I guess he felt bad and all. Even still he's just usual him, adds a swear word after every sentence and only refers to me as his 'stupid brother'…I guess maybe I had expectations…Because he is the reason I lived as long as I did, minus my suicide" Italy said.

He looked to Austria with sincerity, "I always was and still afraid that he hated me. I was always afraid that I was the reason why he was so unhappy. So maybe, if I left his side for good then he'd have a weight lifted off his shoulders…"

Austria's own complexion grew sad.

"But what about you? Italy, you have to start thinking about yourself"

"I can't!" Italy admitted strongly "I'm not worth thinking about at all! Somehow…Every time someone is around me they're unhappy! I can't help but feel sympathy…I want to help people and I can't even do that, so why should I even help myself?".

Italy grew hysterical fast, Austria had to hold onto him to stop him from shaking.

"You don't know that's true! Don't tell yourself that it's true without evidence" Austria said.

"If I asked for evidence they would lie to me!" Italy talked back.

He silenced himself quickly by seizing up his own body. Tightening his own hold on himself and squinting his eyes shut. His breathing was still forced and sounded like dry heaving.

"I can't trust anyone…Not even myself…" He said pitifully, "Maybe I did back then…Before things got bad".

"When do you think things got bad?" Austria asked.

"Um…" Italy thought out loud and sniffed through his crying, "I'm trying to remember…Things were gloomy after grandpa died and people fought over me and Romano a lot…My time with you was rough but I was happy because…"

He stopped mid-thought and turned to Austria.

"Things got bad when Holy Rome left"

Austria himself chocked up a bit and held Italy in his arms.

He remembered well when the boy's long time friend and lover had left and never returned. Italy grew older with the fear and anxiety over not knowing how and when Holy Rome would return. He reached puberty and things started to change in his mind, his chemical make-up grew unstable.

By the time he learned of Holy Rome's passing he broke down.

Austria thought he recovered.

But maybe there was no recovery at all.

* * *

**_A/N I forgot to say so before. Italy's medication mention was in dub episode 21 of Hetalia Axis powers (Near the end). It hints a lot of anxiety issues just btw, I'm happy they put something that hints that even if its in the dub _**

**_Brotherly feud was hard to right but I think I got it in character. A lot of fans are weary of how Romano treats Italy, but in a lot of strips Romano is constantly trying to avoid him and calls him 'Idiot'. _**

**_He defiantly cares in his conscience but it's hard because he's not communicating. _**

**_Italy thrives off communication and he feels lost and hurt when he can't understand how someone feels directly._**

**_Puberty and growing up played a big part in how Italy's mindset formed, after he got older the anxiety definitely showed more, mostly after Holy Rome's death because then you see him having to fight for independence and he grows a need to be with his brother at all times. _**

**_Also after that comes WWI where he finally meets Germany and starts feeling happier again, leading to bad break up, more pleasant meeting again in WWII and good friendship, then devastating breakup leaving him both physically and mentally injured (Not just with Germany, but with Romano. South Italy was allied within WWII, North Italy was Axis but had a horrible civil war between wanting to be allied or axis)._**

**_Also besides the fact, We've never actually seen Italy snap man 0_0 I hope I did it right _**

**_He's usually very sweet even when he's having issues. _**

**_Welp, this was fun to write. See you soon!_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_ Death Spire It was really just random :,) I have a lot of extended metaphors but the 8 days wasn't part of it. It's simply just the count down to Italy's decision._**

* * *

There were 6 more days left.

Romano now anxiously kept count.

After he slept the day before off, he tried repeatedly to call Italy's cellphone (Which he wasn't sure Italy even had it on him, but if Italy flew home he'd surely get it).

The familiar voice mail played out and he waited for the beep to ring off so he could send out his message.

"Hey Veneziano, about yesterday…I'm- Uh we can talk it over when your less mad and I'm sure you didn't mean any of that stuff, yeah, uh- Oh dammit" Romano turned the phone off mid-message.

"Why am I so fucking bad at this?!" he asked out loud to himself in frustration, "Come on…Just apologize. You're an adult, you have to apologize".

He hated being in such a position where 'sorries' were needed. It was an ugly habit he had when a kid, in his mind he was always right. His brother could deal with it for a long time…But now his brother _really_ deserves an apology.

He tried again, "Ciao Vene, listen…I'm…We said some regrettable things to each other yesterday and I know you probably feel bad- oH GOD DAMMIT!".

Now he understood how frustrating it was for Italy to get his point across through his suicide notes.

He clicked the call button one last time.

After the beep went off he said a simple "Please be back at home. I'll see you soon".

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to take care of it?" Italy asked Austria who was busy away at baking breakfast for two. Handling work was usually Italy's forte. Even in present times, Austria would call him over to his house to help him with chores.

"Oh no, I'm serving you today and you're going to like it" Austria told him in a joking tone though he meant it seriously.

Italy laughed and turned around to look back at his phone, which received 3 voice messages from his brother.

"I should apologize to Romano though…But for some reason, I don't feel like talking" Italy told Austria.

"You don't have to say anything. Do what you feel comfortable with" Austria gave him a well-deserved and good answer.

Italy smirked, "I feel safe at your place, Mr. Austria. Kinda silly, but I suppose it is just because I've lived here for a great deal of my life here. I can even remember every nook and cranny, even after you rearranged the furniture".

Memories of when he was much smaller crept back into his mind. He's clean the corners with his small push broom, make conversation with Miss Hungary who was living there with him. Holy Rome would meet him outside on his breaks and he'd teach him how to paint, they'd laugh and eventually Italy would get to sleep the night away and work at the crack of dawn.

"You can stay as long as you'd like" Austria told him "I do feel relieved that you still love my house. When I heard of your suicide I feared that I might have caused it".

"Oh no!" Italy's head shot up, he propped his elbows on the edge of the couch and shook his hands back and fourth. "You didn't cause this at all! No one did, it was entirely on me!".

"Everyone's been so worried about possibly harming you. It would help if you told people how you feel more often" Austria turned to him, holding a plate of waffle. "Suicide is a serious thing. It was scary for everyone to think you did that to yourself".

"No one prompted me to do what I did…I wanted to" Italy looked down as he explained himself, "I don't like how people have to feel prompted to want to help me or even talk to me".

"Who knows, maybe they'll make it up to you" Austria brought the food over to the already set table, "Sit down and eat".

Italy joined him and dug into the hot pastry. "I guess, but I'm not sure if I want them to make it up to me. I don't have high expectations at all".

"I think they just want you to feel happier. Everyone loves that smile of yours" Austria said as he took a sip of his morning tea.

"They do?" Italy questioned, completely surprised.

"Absolutely. I don't know a single person that doesn't think your smile is beautiful and inspiring" Austria told him "Everyone wishes they could be like you. Only you can be lighthearted and diligent at the same time. If you were gone, people would quickly miss your presence. They may not appreciate you up front of express it, but they'd be devastated…As they already were".

Austria silenced himself by taking another sip.

"I never thought of it like that…" Italy stated, he rested his back against the top rail of his chair.

He stared out at the clock hung up on the wall. It's ticking seemed faster than usual.

* * *

Romano hoped out of his car and ran to Germany's front door. He knocked with great urgency.

"GERMANY! GERMANY OPEN UP!" Romano promptly screamed.

He could hear Germany's footsteps rushing up to open the door. The German hadn't even greased his hair up; Without that one simple detail he gave off the impression that he was tired.

"What? Did you find him?" he asked.

"No! I thought he cam here! god fucking-" Romano bit his lip and punched the door frame.

"That's not good…" Germany stated.

"Yeah no shit! I though he flew home before me but he wasn't there, and god! No i'm- Panicking-" he said in short breaths.

"And he has his own pass port too. He could have gone anywhere-" Germany added.

"Don't make me freak out more!" Romano yelled at him.

"Come inside" Germany made room for him.

Romano walked in and followed after Germany to his phone and list of contacts at his own coffee table. He got out the list of phone numbers and flipped through the book, it was easy to tell he was the type who listed everything in alphabetical order.

"Are you sure he wasn't still at Japan's place?" Germany asked.

"He wasn't at our hotel"

"He could have stayed with Japan…I'll call him up". Germany held the phone up to his ear and then started speak to it's receiver, "Hey Japan. By any chance have you seen Italy?…No?…Well, I don't really want to make you panic but we can't find him…"

Germany took the phone off his ear and stared at it, "Japan?". It seemed his call was cut off. He sighed, "I probably shouldn't have told him that part".

"He's not with Japan, who else?" Romano asked.

"Uh…Do you think he'd be at Spain's?"

"If he was at Spain's place Spain would have already told me. He's shitty at keeping secrets, so I say you skip him, it'll waste our time, who else?".

Germany flipped through his book again, "How about Hungary?"

"Oh yeah! Veneziano likes her! She's like his mom or something, try it!" Romano clenched his fist in excitement and hopefulness for the best.

Germany dialed her number and spoke to her, "Hey Hungary. By any chance have you seen Italy around?…No, no wait! That wasn't supposed to be a mean joke! He's back, England did the spell he's okay!…For the most part, he ran off and now we can't find him…Yeah I know it's confusing…When we find him you can see him…Talk later, okay".

Germany laid the phone down in his lap, "She didn't know anything about what happened so far so it's not her…".

"You can't think of anywhere else he'd run to?" Romano asked.

"Believe it or not, I don't think he'd go anywhere us but us four…Unless" Germany pulled out Austria's phone number.

Romano caught a glimpse of it. "That guy?" he questioned "Are you sure? Because last I checked he put Vene through a lot of shit back in the day".

"Yeah, but Italy's always shown a lot of trust in him…You know, Austria calls him over to his house all the time. Maybe he went there?" Germany suggested, "It's worth a try".

He dialed the number and awaited Austria to answer the phone.

"Hey Austria, by any chance is Italy at your house, he ran off and-" Germany was silent for awhile after that, then he said "I'm right on my way".

He turned to Romano, "Italy's at his house".

"Great! Let's get over there-" Romano was all ready to run out the door again but Germany grabbed onto his arm and stopped him.

"Wait! Austria said that he's been talking to Italy for a bit and he says there's some stuff the both of you need to work out" Germany almost sounded like he was warning him, "You know, Italy's been acting really strange lately. I can't tell if it's just the way he's feeling or if it's something we caused but Austria really thinks we have to be careful".

"I got it" Romano said firmly. He decided now wasn't the time to talk back; He wanted to see his brother safe and well.

Germany and him together hopped in their car and drove off to Austria. Thankfully; Austria was very close to Germany's own place.

He had to admit he was scared to see how his brother would react to him when he opened the door. They had both said hurtful things but Romano was really in the wrong this time.

Italy opened the door when he knocked and pulled him into a hug almost immediately. Romano rapped his arms around his brother and embraced him.

"I'm so sorry Romano" Italy whispered into his ear.

"Yeah…No problem" Romano told him "I'm sorry too, you little jerk".

Why did he say that?

Romano mentally punched himself. Italy didn't seem to phased, he just smiled and cried out to him happily. Letting tears of relief roll down his cheeks.

"Has Austria been treating you right?" Romano asked him, peeking past Italy's hair to see the man.

"Yep! He's really wise with stuff sometimes. But there are some things I think I need to ask you personally, so I understand things better" Italy said.

"Oh, okay" Romano said confusingly. He let Italy lead him inside and took him up to his old room at Austria's place.

Up in there it looked like time froze.

Everything looked victorian and ancient.

Austria seemed to keep little dresses on display.

Italy sat on the ground and out his back up against the bed. He had a sad smile printed on his face. Romano sat next to him, he looked at his brother innocently, "What do you want to talk about?".

"Um, I was thinking for awhile and I realized I don't know as much as I should. So I was thinking you could answer a long time question of mine" Italy said.

"Go ahead" Romano told him.

"Why did you and Grandpa keep me?" Italy asked. He still looked at the wall, even as he was talking directly to Romano.

Romano froze for a bit, then looked out at the wall Italy was staring at.

"Because we loved you" he answered.

"Even though I was never meant to happen?" Italy continued.

Romano grasped Italy's hand, his eyes still focused on the wall.

"We never thought of you that way. Yeah, we were confused and surprised, but we grew an attachment" Romano told him "I don't think you'd remember, you really tiny and sickly, but you were always really cheery and you looked up to both of us. I'm still glad you think I'm such a great person even though I'm not. It always boosted my confidence".

"I thought I lowered your confidence…"

"No, no. That was back when I wasn't really sure about being together with you. You know, when we were unified. I hadn't seen you in so long and you were doing so much better than me. I got jealous, but now I know that was stupid because of the abuse part of your history…" Romano explained "You know me, I try to whine away my problems. Spain is too nice for his own good, went way too easy on me".

Romano changed the conversation's direction, "We couldn't stand just letting you die. So Grandpa moved up north and I stayed back and managed my half of the country. I admit I did feel a little abandoned but I also had Grandpa all to myself for 200 years so I wasn't one to complain"

"Anyway" Romano rephrased "Once I knew of your existence I was always interested in you. I was a big brother, I was responsible for a kid and I knew I would be eventually. It's sucks balls that we were always separated…I think that's what made bonding for us so hard…"

Romano looked over at Italy and smirked, "We're together now and hopeful for good".

"That's good" Italy exclaimed "That makes me feel less guilty. And again, I'm sorry I yelled. I normally don't get that angry".

"Nah, you stood up for yourself. Good for you kiddo" Romano ruffled his brother's red hair. He kept his arm around him and leaned in, their heads touched and they nuzzled together.

"I know I sound like a broken record. But I really hope you'll stay, even if things aren't too good for you. I want to help" Romano told him.

"I've got 6 more days to decide, at least…" Italy said.

"But what are you going to do? Just hide out here, not talk to anyone?" Romano questioned "You're going to have to face everyone if you're going to function around them. I can prove it to you, your probably the most loved nation out there".

"Yeah" Italy said nonchalantly.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Romano asked.

Italy shrugged.

"Oh well, you don't need to right now. How about we just go back to Germany's house?" Romano tilted his head a bit "Just the three of us".

"Actually…I kinda just want to be with you" Italy said honestly.

Romano could feel the invisible love arrow get shot through his heart.

His brother preferred him over Germany.

Romano couldn't help but smile. Oh, he wanted to brag to Germany SO bad.

But, Germany was waiting eagerly to see if Italy was okay so he mine as well keep quiet. Then he could have his brother all to himself for the night.

"Come on then. You need to say hi to him though or that potato bastard will bug me all day" Romano stood up and put out his hand for his brother to take.

He pulled up Italy with ease. It was shocking; Since he continued to forget his brother was undead and suffered a lot of blood loss from his stab wounds.

Romano sort of wondered what would happen if Italy decided to live. How would they address the holes in his chest?

Romano quickly brushed it off and took Italy back downstairs where Germany and Austria were discussing things.

"You ready to head back home now?" Austria asked Italy as they joined them in the living room.

"Yeah, thanks for everything Mr. Austria" Italy hugged him as well. Austria kept his hands in the air; Seemingly uncomfortable. But eventually he returned Italy's hug.

"You doing better now?" Germany asked him.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for everything. Tell the others at the meeting that I won't ever do that again" Italy requested.

"I wouldn't say it's your fault. You're going through something none of us understand" Germany told him. His heavy voice contradicting his ginger tone, he was truly a gentle giant.

"I promise, I'm going to do some thorough research on your condition so I know the best way I can help you. Or at least act like a better friend" Germany said.

"My…Condition?" Italy gave a questioned look, he looked around at everyone in the room for answers. "What condition?" he asked.

"Veneziano, we think you have Depression" Romano said to him "You said yourself you feel confused, sometimes you get sad for no reason, all your bad memories and fears get mashed up together and you feel overwhelmed…Well, that's all symptoms to Depression disorder. That's what we self-diagnosed you with".

"So I guess that's my reason…" Italy concluded to himself, folding his arms. "I was looking for one the whole time…It was just me being…Mentally ill?"

"No! Look, you're fine. We're gonna help you" Romano told him.

"What am I supposed to do then? Wait until the 6 days are over?" Italy asked.

"What you're going to do is let us handle everything out. We're still convincing you to stay, remember?" Germany pitched in.

"Convincing me? I'm sorry Germany, but shouldn't I get what I want? I mean this is my life and I have to sit around and watch you all scatter about; Trying to come up with reasons why I should stay?" Italy began questioning the logic. The way he put it made all of them sound a little insensitive.

"I'm sorry if I sound selfish…But do you really have to put up a play and act out why I should just love life when I don't? You all disturbed me, bringing me back to the dead, and now I have to sit around until I inevitably pick what I want…" Italy phrased out, sarcasm was laced into his words; It sounded a lot how Romano usually spoke except it didn't quite fit Italy.

"It doesn't really sound like I'm going to get what I want, does it? You know I get guilt-tripped easily, you'll just yell at me until I pick what you want" Italy told them.

Everyone else in the room was at a loss on what to say next.

Italy sounded intelligent.

He was definitely speaking his mind towards them.

"Vene, please don't get pissy. At least not until we get home. I wouldn't like knowing your staying at Austria's house without me" Romano tried to reason with him "Just come home, and we'll play it by day".

Italy didn't respond at first. He avoided eye contact as much as possible.

"You and me are going to spend some quality time, right? Just you and me" Romano said.

That made Italy smile a bit. His usual optimism returned and he sheepishly; yet still smiling, followed the rest of the crowd outside.

The car ride back was quiet; Mostly because Italy fell asleep in the car. His head resting against the window of the passenger seat.

It started raining and Romano clicked the windshield button repeatedly to clear up his car window.

After today they'd be down at 5 days…Then 4…Then 3…Then 2…Then 1.

It really was wrong of him to force his own desires on him.

He wanted to explain to him more than anything that what he was putting on wasn't an act. It was more of a display of realization and regret; He was trying to act his best simply because he wanted his brother to know that he loved him.

That was what everyone was trying.

Yet; Italy hasn't been treated nicely since the beginning of time. He could take a punch; Take an insult and just walk it off.

No wonder Italy thought they were all lying…Them being nice to him must have seemed too good to be true.

Romano peered at his brother and spoke to him despite knowing that it would fall of deaf ears.

"I'm not going to give up on you" he told Italy.

Then he gaze was fixed on the road as they drove home.

* * *

**_As I expected; I fell in a bigger and deeper hole. This is kinda why this chapter is so short and it took me so long. _**

**_I'M NOT GIVING UP_**

**_But man I'm just so tired of everything. It's been stressful and exhausting. _**

**_The comments saying they relate to Italy makes me feel happy because that is what I was aiming for; I relate to Italy as well. _**

**_So to all those Italys out there, stay strong okies _**

**_Till' next time _**


	10. Chapter 10

Italy ended up waking up a lot earlier than Romano.

He sat up in bad and rubbed against his chest; Feeling where he still had stab wounds. They hurt so much at the time but now they just felt numb.

Romano was right next to him being more clingy than usual. His head was practically in Italy's lap, his arms were wrapped around it's torso. He was always a loud snorer, but the moment he was almost completely silent. His mouth still emitted a low rumble.

Italy actually felt content in this current moment. He didn't mind when the phone rang at all. Instead, he actually picked it up.

"Ciao?"

"Italy? Is that really you speaking?" Germany's voice asked him.

"Yeah? You're surprised?" he questioned, it seemed a little strange to him that Germany didn't expect him to pick up the phone.

"Never mind. I was calling to check up on you. How are you? Was the car ride okay? It wasn't too horribly long?" Germany asked many different questions all at one. To make things simpler, Italy answered the last one.

"Nah, I fell asleep in the car so it went by fast. I'm sorry, I've seem to be really tired for some reason nowadays" Italy told him "It's uh…It's day 5 now. I've been keeping track".

"Are you nervous?"

"A little. England never really explained how I'd be able to choose and what will happen when I do…" Italy told him "What was you said about Depression and how you think I have it? Um…Does it say anything about droning on one topic and worrying about it all day and night?".

"It did say something like that, yes"

Italy shut his eyes tight, "I expected as much. Well, at least I have something to blame other than myself, right?". He laughed pitifully.

"So what are thinking about today?" Germany asked.

"A lot of things. Guilt and regret finally caught up to me, so I'm really sorry. When Romano wakes up I'll apologize to him too. I feel so bad, I really do. Whenever I get mad I get really mean!"

"Well…That's normal. You don't have to feel bad about getting mad. I get mad all the time and that's never bothered you. It doesn't bother me and it shouldn't bother your brother"

Italy's eyes shifted over to Romano. He then pressed the phone closer to his face, "It just doesn't feel right. I don't think it's my place to yell and be mad".

"You have to get mad sometimes. It's natural" Germany said to him.

"Yeah, maybe it is. But I feel better expressing anger and sadness in a different way" Italy said, then corrected himself when his first response was vague, "Not about killing myself though! Just…Different ways".

"What ways?" Germany asked

"Smiling…Laughing…Playing pretend" Italy answered.

"That sounds suffocating honestly. How do you manage to act all happy when you feel like the whole world is crippling below you?".

Italy took a deep breath, "Well someone has to".

…

Romano woke up next to something very warm. It was definitely a lot different from other times he woke up in the morning next to a cold white sheet, why was this time different.

"I see you waking up there. Good morning!" his brother's powerful brushed off any form of sleepiness he had.

Romano's head shot up, "Jesus you scared me…God, I was so used to waking up before you and ughhh".

"That was only a few days Romano" Italy chuckled.

"It felt longer than that you bastard" Romano easily slipped back into his usual grumpy behavior just as Italy had slipped back into his.

It caught Romano off guard, "You…You're doing okay right?"

"Yep, I'm sorry by the way" Italy told him "I'm so sorry for being all mean and yelly".

"Yelly isn't a word Vene" Romano told him while he was still processing the apology. Normally he'd take it, he liked it better when his brother apologized to him instead of the other way around. Maybe he really was feeling better?

"You…Uh…Are you okay?" Romano asked again awkwardly.

"Yes, I'm okay Romano" Italy told him with a smile "And again, I'm sorry for everything".

"It's not your fault"

"But it is-" Italy cut him off quickly "For some dumb reason I decided I wanted to leave my role. But I belong where I am, and you belong where you are. It's how it's just supposed to be".

"Shut up about some god damn roles. You have to be happy if you're going to live, you can't just pretend" Romano told him.

He had obviously caught onto Italy quickly. His brother didn't reply at all, just stared at him.

"You're going to get coddled and you're going to like it" Romano gave him a unique punishment and made Italy giggled. Romano beamed a satisfied smile at getting his brother to laugh.

"Now get out of those clothes, you've been wearing them for days now. You can have my jacket back when you at least put on a different shirt" Romano told him, getting up himself.

Italy stood up and walked over to their wardrobe where they often shared each other's shirts.

Once he removed his own, he awaited a disturbing surprise.

Romano's own eyes laid down on the three bloody holes left in Italy's chest. They were gaping open, you could practically see how red and inflated his flesh was around that area.

Italy started shaking a bit and Romano immediately knew what was going to happen next.

"Vene, don't look at it!"

Too late, Italy's eyes began to roll back to his head and Romano dashed over to catch him. Italy was quickly revived just at the motion of Romano setting him safely on the floor.

Romano smacked his face (As gently as he could) to get the feeling back into him. He knew all too well that his brother couldn't handle blood very well. Not the sight of it, he always felt lightheaded if he was bleeding in any form.

"You're okay" Romano told him encouragingly.

Italy was very well conscious, just in pain after the incident.

"I don't get how you could do that to yourself when you know you can't handle it" Romano inquired. He helped him up and put pull over sweater on his brother so he didn't have to see his injury.

"Cause I'm stupid. When you're too stupid to know a thing is bad for you then you do it" Italy answered.

"You aren't stupid"

"I am! You can't tell me otherwise, Romano. It's not about what people call me behind my back, it's the fact that I put myself ahead of people! I…Never actually thought about how you'd react" Italy said.

Romano grew embarrassed thinking back at how distraught he was when he found Italy's body. He cried, sobbed, and held onto Italy's body for dear life. As he looked at Italy, things felt and seemed like they were where they should be.

"I missed you a lot" Romano gave him a paraphrased answer.

Italy grabbed onto his hand, "I get it now. I'm sorry for putting you through that…I'm going to stay".

"That's it? You're just deciding that now out of guilt?" Romano questioned "You aren't happy. You're just telling me what I want to hear. Just wait, I'm going to prove it to you that I fucking love you. Everyone else too, we're gonna-".

"Surprise me? Germany already told me" Italy said.

"…Well geez, when did he spoil it?"

"This morning when you were still asleep"

Romano groaned, "God dammit. It was supposed to be secret".

"I'll still be happy" Italy told him.

His brother had come back just like that, huh? After one full night of sleep he was back and ready to please everyone like he always did.

Well, Romano wouldn't have any of that.

It was unfair, how Italy expressed such personal emotions and had to swallow them back up for people to think he was acting like normal.

How for the first time in a long time he legitimately got angry and felt guilty for yelling.

"You talk about not liking how people lie to your face, then why are you lying to mine?" Romano asked him "It doesn't take a genius to tell that you aren't happy. Let me help you".

Italy's face didn't seem to falter. He stopped smiling but he over all seemed bright.

"I love you Romano!" he said out of the blue. He was either kissing up or overwhelmed with happiness like he usually was. Romano pat his back, "Yeah, yeah. Let's head out, I think we might be late anyway". Romano looked down at the clock and winced, "Yeaaaah we're late. c'mon"

"So uh, what are we doing exactly?" Italy asked asked as he followed Romano.

"I can't tell you, it'll take us a day" Romano answered.

"What?! A day?" Italy questioned out of shock, "But that'll mean when we get there I'll only have 4 days left and 3, maybe 2 when we get back. Romano, I might-"

"You're not gonna run out of time. I promise" Romano told him. Both of them slammed the car doors shut and prepared for a long car ride.

"Germany and Japan told me they think you'll really like this, so I agreed to it" Romano said.

"Germany and Japan, huh" Italy almost looked like he was blushing. He looked out the opened car window that was blowing air onto his face.

"They like you a lot. Definitely talk about you a lot" Romano said, putting on his own sunglasses and tilting the car mirror to look behind him, "I have no idea what to expect but it mine as well be good".

"You think so? I'm kinda nervous" Italy added his own input.

"Really? Why?"

"I dunno. I'm kinda afraid to approach them after yelling at them" Italy said with a hint of sadness, pressing his face against the palm of his hand, "Do you ever get guilty after yelling at people?"

"Not really. When I yell at people they deserve it" Romano said "Unless it's like you or Spain, you two are cool. Everyone else, nope".

Romano looked over at his brother, "I wouldn't worry if I were you. You're pretty likable. I mean, besides what people have told you…I always thought you were a good kid. I'd actually get jealous of you sometimes because you always knew how to do things right".

"Jealous of me?" Italy asked in surprise and pointed to himself, "Me?".

"Yeah, you were good at stuff. Though now I knew it's kinda because you were forced to work for it most of the time. But it's also just because you seem like a likable person, you usually never get mad at people. I can see why Germany likes you a lot. You're a relentless pleaser"

"That's a good thing?" Italy asked

"It's a _very_ good thing" Romano told him "Some of the toughest people to love are the ones who need it the most. That's how I found out me and that German bastard are kinda similar…Yet you never give up on us. I can swear in your face and you'll still love me back. I could never ask for a better brother".

"You're…Not just saying that?" Italy seemed unsure.

"Nope. I mean it. Legit. Don't make me embarrassed okay, I can't even look at you as I say this because I'm pathetic" Romano said. He and his brother both laughed it off.

"I was always a little jealous of you too" Italy admitted.

"Seriously?!" Romano took his eyes off the wheel to look at him, "You aren't fucking with me, right?"

"Nope! You know, I never really got to know you in my early years. Or apparently I did but I don't really remember. When I was told I had an older brother I always thought so highly of you, I thought I probably had the strongest brother in the world, And I was right! You exceeded my expectations when I finally got to meet you!" Italy said.

"Really?"

"Yep! You had that kind of cool attitude to you and in a way, I liked how tough you were, even towards me. I felt like I was protected when I was by your side. I never got to meet up with you though, I'm kinda still chubby and not really lanky. And of course, you're still taller than me".

Romano laughed nervously.

Italy had no idea that he has grown just a few centimeters taller than his older brother. It wasn't a huge difference but Romano could spot it right away. He had no intentions of telling Italy, he in fact really loved the way Italy looked up to him.

"I think we really do match each other" Italy concluded "I was kinda worried I was getting in the way or something"

"Nah, you're right where you're supposed to be" Romano told him. He took a hard turn left and got onto a different highway. Just a half and hour until he got to Germany's home.

Germany and Japan were waiting outside with the rest of the G8 plus Spain and Prussia.

"Italyyyyyy" Prussia called out to him. Italy simply got out of the car when Prussia threw him up in his arms. Normally Italy would be in gleeful but at the moment he seemed really scared and uncomfortable.

When Prussia put Italy down; Italy faked a happy smile at him.

"I've missed you, you've been doing okay?"

"Y-Yes…"

Prussia backed up a bit, mostly because he could tell Germany would intervene if Italy was uncomfortable.

"You aren't okay…Are you"

Italy looked down, "I've been, uh…Well it's been weird".

"Are you going to take your shirt off? It's a bit too hot for something like that, I feel you might get dizzy" Russia asked from the side; He himself was already wearing a very thin short sleeved shirt.

"…No"

"Are you okay-"

"No thank you".

This was increasingly growing awkward.

But it was interesting to see how better Italy seemed to just Romano but around everyone else he looked like a deer in headlights.

Whatever these nations had planned had better be worth it.

"Maybe it's just me then" Russia said "Where we're going is going to be hotter than this so I just wanted to make sure. We heading out to the plane now да?".

"Plane?" both Romano and Italy questioned at the same time.

"Wait I knew it was gonna take long…But a plane?" Romano questioned.

"Don't worry, I paid for everyone. It won't be too horribly long, I know where we're going" Germany told him, "I see you didn't pack too much?"

"Oh shit!" Romano glared at the empty trunk at the back of empty truck, "God dammit! I forgot to pack…"

"You forgot to pack?" Germany, the person obsessed with planning ect., questioned him.

"I woke up late and Veneziano was already up to I was talking to him. Then I got distracted because he had a dizzy spell-"

"Dizzy spell?"

"He saw his, you know, and got a bit dizzy. It happens. Anyway, I got distracted forgot to pack" Romano finished his excuse.

"Well it looks like you two will be wearing my oversized extra clothes" Germany smiled a bit at the brother's punishment for lack of responsibility to pack before a trip.

Italy didn't seem to mind but Romano absolutely groaned.

"It's okay Romano, you can share some of my clothes" Spain tried to cheer him up.

"Ughhh that's worse" Romano grumbled.

"Alright everyone! Let's go, 5 people per car" England announced, "Italy is going to be with Germany, Japan, Romano, and Prussia. The rest of you are coming in my car with me, I'm driving".

"Dangit! I'm missing my amigos!" Prussia whined a bit as Spain and France got into England's car, "Oh well, as long as I'm the the Italy's".

"I still don't understand your weird obsession with us" Romano said, climbing into the back seat with Italy and Japan following him, "I hope this flight isn't long".

"It might be a little but it'll be worth it" Germany said, before he started the car himself he looked back at his friend, "You'll love this, Italy, it'll bring back some fond memories".

Romano had no idea what awaited his brother.

Italy had no idea what awaited himself.

But if it was worthwhile, it was worth a try.

* * *

**_I reaaaaally half-assed this one but man it's hard when you gotta have the settings change. _**

**_It's a surprise where they're going. If you can guess it I'd be super proud of you, I hope you'll like my choosing of where they go though. It'll definitely be good for Italy. _**

**_Also, I have something important to say. _**

**_I've been thinking about writing another Italy brothers story that's in the perspective of Romano the whole time. It's going into their relationship in WWII (When South Italy was allied and North Italy was Axis). _**

**_It'll also cover my headcanon of Italy's Semi-Immortality that fluctuates_**

**_I want to know before hand if anyone would be interested in reading it because if anyone is I'll start writing it and I'll put my whole heart and soul in it :,) _**

**_Again, thank you for everything. _**

**_The countdown is now up to 4 _**


	11. Chapter 11

They were still on the plane when Italy reached day 4.

He wasn't very upset about the whole 'No one cares anyway and now they care because I'm dead' phase. He already decided he would stay.

No one, not even the ones that made fun of him behind his back, deserved to feel guilt for his death. Italy would instead feel guilty himself.

He was prepared to deal with his recently discovered depression. At least he had a name for it now.

He was done acting out selfishly.

Italy was the only one awake on the plane. They took a private one but it was still a three seater.

Italy always sat in the middle.

It was a habit he and his former Axis Trio picked up in WWII. Italy always felt safe in between his two friends; but right now he felt completely suffocated.

Germany was sleeping up right while Japan's head was slightly tilted and resting against the window.

Italy had no idea why he grew scared of the people he loved to be around so much.

He felt...Unworthy.

He felt like something bad was going to happen around them all. Either he didn't trust them or he didn't trust himself.

While overwhelmed with different emotionally-wrenching feelings; Italy began to feel horribly sick to his stomach.

He grasped tightly onto the arm rests in a cold sweat.

He could practically feel the vile climbing up his throat and ran to the air plane bathroom.

He threw the door open, not even bothering to close it.

Italy fell to his knees and vomited into the bucket. After a few painful dry heaves his head grew fuzzy.

He didn't even have the energy to stand up.

At this point he wished he hadn't gotten so nervous to the point of throwing up...Because right now more than anything Italy didn't want to be alone.

…

"I found him" he heard what sounded like Japan talking…Why did he sound so far away.

He felt someone shaking his shoulder to wake him; It sent a shock into his dreary being but it allowed him to finally open his heavy eyes to see what was going on.

Germany was leaning down next to him with Japan standing outside the door. Other nations joined in the tiny lavatory.

He should probably feel embarrass that he passed out pressed against an airplane toilet but he felt too confused to even really process anything yet. Germany and everyone else were trying to talk to him.

"Are you okay?" Germany asked.

"I…Got sick" Italy talked slowly; his thoughts were delayed to his own words.

"You got sick? Here, let me just-" Germany gently lifted his head off the seat and closed the top.

"I don't remember you getting plane sick" Germany told him. Again, Italy was delayed and his eyes started to close again leaving Germany to gently wake him up again.

Romano pushed his way through, "Damn, you don't look good…Did you fall asleep here?".

"Looks like it" America added.

"You could have woken any of us up you know" Romano grabbed one of Italy's arms to help lift him up; Germany grabbing onto another and supporting his back.

Once he was finally standing upward, Japan gently pat his back to comfort him a bit.

"We're going to be landing soon. Do you want to lay down with your eyes closed or something?" Germany offered.

"…Yeah" Italy was lead toward his previous seat. Romano walked in before him so Italy could lay his head against Romano's shoulder for a bit.

"I'm going to get you a drink" Germany told him.

Once he was gone and everyone else went back to minding their own businesses. A few nations kept taking small little glimpses at Italy just to make sure he was doing okay.

"What actually happened?" Romano whispered into his ear.

"I…Uh, I felt really sick last night and I threw up" Italy told him with honesty, "I was like…Nervous and it just happened".

"What are you scared of?" Romano asked "I'll protect you, you know that".

"I know…Something weird happened…Romano, Are you sure I have 4 days left?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, why?" Romano was going to question his strange behavior when Germany came back with a small juice cup for Italy.

"You should probably eat something too. You'll feel better when your stomach is full again" Germany advised him.

Italy sat up and sipped out of the plastic cup. Romano was easily distracted by the private pilot talking to them over the intercom about them landing in a few minutes.

Romano grabbed the cup from his brother's hands and set it down with a lid on it, he buckled up Italy and himself. They both laid their heads back and prepared to land.

Of course, the landing wasn't too easy for Italy. He was well prepared to march right out the door and up the ramp but what he found was that there was no ramp…The door was hung wide open, stars were attached to the end of it for people to walk down.

They were on a strangely familiar beach.

"Surprise man, we're on the beach we all got stranded on in WWII!" America cheered.

"This is the same beach!?" Italy questioned, then he let out a loud joyous laugh, "This is the beach oh my gosh!".

"What 's so special? Where are we?" Romano asked.

"This is an Island we all got stuck on in the midst of WWII. Me, Germany, and Italy got stranded here and the allies got stuck here from a submarine" Japan explained. Spain and Romano being vaguely neutral through that time had no idea what significance this really was for Italy, but Italy sure was happy.

"Wait here, Russia you and me head down first" America and Russia both climbed down the stairs, jumping down half way (Which was a pretty steep fall).

"Okay little dude, hold on" America held out his arms. Italy took it and allowed both Russia and America to place their hands around his torso and lower him safety to the ground.

They helped the rest of everyone else down, except for Germany and Romano. Another thing they had in common is their resistance to any form of help that involved being carried or touching.

Germany did the honor of helping Romano down however.

Italy was already itching to take his own shirt off, for it was warm and he was always ready to be topless. He was definitely scared.

The look on everyone else's faces made him want to throw up again. Or at least, if that was even the reason he got sick.

"Go on, it is hot out" England urged him.

It really _was_ hot. It was a tropical island for god's sake.

Romano was looking his way but gave no facial expression to hint what he should or shouldn't do.

These people were his friends right?

Slowly and tentatively, he removed his pullover from the bottom up to reveal his uncovered and bloody wounds. Three prominent holes made in his chest. You could see the blood and flesh still clinging to the injury, deep red and throbbing.

France winced a bit but covered his face to not alarm Italy.

Italy bit his lip.

This was going to be a part of him now that he would stay alive, wasn't it? If it ever healed it would be littered on his skin, causing everyone discomfort who look at it.

But he was also still dead, technically, in the sense that he didn't even have life in him yet.

He was a walking corpse.

A corpse who communicated, cried, yelled, and caused discomfort most of all.

It wasn't until the glares he received got more confused when he realized he had started crying right in front of them. How pathetic…

What was wrong with him?

Be happy.

Be happy.

Be happy.

Italy chocked on his own breath as he breathed in heavily. He let himself fall onto the warm sand. He covered up his skin and tried to hold back the tiny cries that were threatening to come out of him.

"Italy-" His brother tried to consulate him.

Italy used up the last of his energy in one big scream.

"I'M A MONSTER!".

After a half an hour of painful screaming; Italy was placed under one of the biggest palm trees on the island that was closest to where the nations all set up camp. They let him rest there for a bit even though it was useless. Italy's eyes were wide open…Staring at him.

They had thought he showed better signs of getting better but his behavior took an unexpected turn. No one knew what to do and it was hard to be near him in the state he was.

England decided to sit next to him on his blanket, just a little near where Italy's head lay.

"Are you doing a bit better now?" he asked.

Italy didn't speak.

England ignored that and continued on with talking, "You were afraid you turned into a monster…And you know well that that's entirely my fault…So I'm going to tell you an old story a woman at my place wrote once".

Italy tilted his head up to England to listen; Showing he was interested.

"An English woman named Mary Shelly wrote this amazing science fiction novel called 'Frankenstein'. It was about a young scientist who put life into a body he created out of dead human parts. He was so scared he ran away from it, and the monster had to fend for itself…With no company…No friends" England said, then looked to him, "You're still the same Italy we all know and care for. Not a monster. Even the monster in the novel wasn't a monster. We aren't going to give up on you and I'm surely not going to abandon you. I'm here, we're here, to help you".

Italy's eyes widened.

England stood up to leave him be, "Get some rest now ol' chap".

England walked back to where everyone else was.

America, Russia, and France were already in the water. Russia of course was having the best time of his life in the warmth.

England joined Japan and Germany's team against Romano and Spain's in a game of volleyball.

Italy would have loved to join but it was hard for him to move now that he was laying down.

England advised him to sleep so he closed his eyes for a bit.

His heart didn't beat, but he could feel it ache.

It felt unnatural.

And it made him wonder.

How many days did he _really_ have left?

* * *

**Surprise! Thye're at the place where all the beach episodes took place in the anime :,D**

**_Ughhh wow I bullshitted this_**

**_There's some nice England/Italy friendship there, I really wanted to work Frankenstein into Italy's predicament. _**

**_One of the worst feelings in the world is when you hear a friend has talked about you behind your back by the person they talked to about you…Yep, that happened today. Man, this year has been so exhausting. I hope for things to get better after the school year ends_**

**_Anyway, sorry for crappy chapter. i was writing for quick update cuz I feel like the next one will take a little longer depending on what happens overall. _**

**_And again, striving for writing another story pretty soon once this one is finished. _**

**_Thank you! And don't worry, the ending will be happy and morally just! _**

**_But not just yet ;)_**


	12. Chapter 12

"I got China on Skype!" America called out to everyone on the beach.

It was now 3…Maybe?

Italy was no longer aware of how many days he had left. His body ached all over and his stomach was rejecting absolutely. Those chills he had when he came back to life had come back.

Japan and Germany moved him into the tent they all shared together.

Romano was distancing himself again which meant that he obviously thought things were relatively normal for him.

"Hey everyone! I still hate you all for not bringing me" China joked through the iphone.

"You said you couldn't come so it's all your fault dude" America told him "We fly back tomorrow anyway".

"How's Italy?" he heard China say.

"He's in his tent. He's been feeling kinda sick lately, he was really happy to come here though" America answered.

"Ah, yeah. Just seeing this old place brings back a lot of memories. I'll see you all soon, have fun!" China told them all before he signed off.

Everyone else on the beach replied 'bye China!' in different forms.

"Welp, what do you want to do now? This time we actually packed food for ourselves so there's no need to search for food" America asked everyone else.

"Ask Italy" Russia suggested, he sat criss crossed in the sand and had his eyes on the tent the man in question was hiding in.

"Italy?" America spoke louder, looking at the tent himself; "You up?".

"Y-Yeah!" Italy called out to them, he unzipped his tent and crawled out.

No one seemed to notice his predicament so there was no why he could simply lay down any longer.

"Get over here, want to help cook dinner, it's around that time" America placed a hand over his shoulder and poked at the fire already starting to rise.

"It is?" he asked. The time seemed to fly very fast. It…Was his 3rd day right? 2nd? Did he run out of time?…Wait now, it was his 3rd.

"Yeah, you've been laying down a lot" America told him.

"Maybe he's still a little sick after the flight" Japan suggested.

"Yeah but that was a day ago. He should be alright now…Perhaps? Are you alright Italy?" England asked.

"Uh, about that-" Italy tried to explain himself but was quickly cut off by a rowdy Prussia.

"Okay, get this, I brought kielbasa" Prussia took out his sealed tight bag of sausage, "This stuff tastes amazing when it's cooked on fire".

"Japan did you bring the bucket from last time?" Germany asked.

Japan nodded, "I brought thai noodles. You should probably boil the water first if we're ocean water for cooking".

"Ew of course not, I brought bottles" France raised up his share of the ingredients for dinner.

Everyone forgot Italy was trying to talk so Italy closed his opened mouth.

Maybe it was best.

He still had 2- 3 days left…3? yes, 3.

They poured the water into the bucket and let it sit over the fire. They cooked the sausage on roasting sticks while the noodles boiled in the steaming water.

It felt comfortable at least. Everyone talked about stuff that happened to them, laughed at stories and remembered old times. Italy himself couldn't stuck giggling.

These were the nations he grew up with, traded, fought against, and fought with.

"Italy? You got something to talk about. We gotta pass time until the sun sets" Spain asked him.

"Uh, sure!" Italy beamed a happy smile "So, back during WWII I wanted to die really, really bad".

Everyone's faces fell a bit, but they still listened intently.

"I was gonna do it. But I thought of my brother back home. I thought of how happy I'd be too se him again after the war. I thought of how happy I'd be once things were back to normal; Maybe even better. I wanted to still remain best friends with Germany and Japan, I wanted to make friends with everyone else again…So I stayed" Italy monologued "I didn't regret it one bit. But then, I couldn't stop being sad. This time I actually did it. But then I thought of how happy my brother would be…And how I'd remain friends with everyone…And how things would be back to normal and…Here I am".

The motto of his short story was very clear.

The way he repeated words in parallel was very poetic. It was so vague yet made so much sense.

"I'll always…Bounce right b-back" Italy broke down in a heavy cough.

He sounded as if he was choking.

Germany who was next to him started patting him heavily on the back but to no avail.

He was at a loss for air and dug his hand down into the sand; Holding himself up but holding his head down low.

"What's wrong?!" Romano questioned, his head dashing around to everyone looking for answers, "Is…Is it already time?".

"No, that can't be right. The spell said 8 days…Wait" England froze, "Oh dear…".

England put his hand up to his mouth; Wanting to yell in anguish at his apparent mistake.

"You're fucking kidding!" Romano screamed "We're on a mother fucking island. Shit, call an emergency chopper. Quick!".

Japan was already dialing in the number on his phone.

America had put out the fire and kicked the bucket with their food onto the sand. No one could tell if he was putting it out because it was useless or if he was just extremely mad.

"It took us a day for our plane to land here and this is his land mother fucking day! God dammit" Romano continued to curse.

Italy lay on the sand; Doubled over in pain.

This is what he gets for pleasing others? This isn't even close to what he deserves.

He couldn't really talk since it seemed his throat had closed up on him. His wounds were now bleeding fresh blood and it soaked through his shirt. His skin turned a ghostly white.

It was very clear that he had decide right at this moment.

Now or never.

"Italy" England kneeled down next to him, "This is it, you have to pick. If you stay, you'll still be in a lot of pain and you might die all over again because of your injuries… If you die, you'll never be able to come back".

England took a pause. Just looking at Italy made him upset and brought a pain into his own chest.

"I know the choices don't seem very fair-"

"I WANT TO LIVE!" Italy bellowed.

Afterwards he let out a series of grunts and he grid his teeth. He tried to open his mouth for another scream but it hadn't quite come out yet.

When he won over the ability to talk again he let out another scream, "I WANT TO S-STAY! I…WANT TO LIVE AUGH"

After those words, he turned completely white. His eyes closed tight, is face wrinkled up in pain.

Now everyone on the island was in panic.

"Okay, okay he's staying. So, uh, Germany you have to hold him down" England began giving out orders, frantically pointing his fingers around and selecting people for work.

"We're going to patch up the bleeding as best we can until the chopper comes" England dove down and grabbed an extra shirt and one of France's water bottles.

He and Germany removed Italy's shirt and poured the water over it. His skin was red, irritated, and bleeding profoundly. He pressed the shirt up against Italy's chest and filled in the holes with the cloth.

It took 10 whole minutes for a high-speed chapter to land on the humble island. It was pleasantly a lot faster than they expected.

Two men came out and placed Italy on a gurney.

Somehow, they were able to fit everyone on the chopper, even though there were 9 of them. Only 6 could sit down, two stood. Italy lay in the middle of it, an IV drip attached to his arm; filling him with needed liquids.

He endured all of that to join everyone in a world he despised so much. He didn't want to stay in the beginning and he had so many reasons to. Yet; he stayed.

Italy's existence was very bittersweet.

It had a lot of downs yet everyone who was around him felt enriched with emotions they couldn't even contain themselves. Italy held onto values none of them could in hard times.

Now; as he went through hard times…Everyone finally had some sense knocked into them.

This was someone who was important to them.

This is someone who nurtured them and cared for them and did more than one favor for them since the beginning of time.

It was a mystery on how, out of hard times, he choose to remain.

Everyone from now on was going to make it worth while.

If he could survive, that is.

* * *

**_oh looooord short and crappy but man i just want to change settings :,D I hope you like it anyway _**


	13. Chapter 13

**_A/N to the LOVE THE STORY anon. I am SO HAPPY I could help you. I've been in the same place. I make motivating stories with good morals to give people a different look with personal issues. I'm so glad I could help, keep living sweetheart._**

* * *

Italy went through hell and back to stay with everyone.

It was a major choice on his part and it was one everyone felt satisfied with...Yet guilty with.

Italy remained asleep for a long while; Trying to regain his energy back.

His organs were all in tact after some small incisions and his wounds were all stitched up. He was totally and completely healed...And yet, he was always injured and tainted, inside and out.

His thoughts may still remain.

Romano thought this as he patiently waited to talk to his brother again.

Eventually Italy came to and stared at the ceiling; processing everything that happened.

He gave out a small life, "I made it".

"You sure did. Welcome back to the world of the living" Romano laughed as well, placing a hand on top of his brother's

"For a second I didn't think I was going to make it…" Italy admitted. His hazel eyes still fixated on the plain white ceiling. He knew his brother was still listening to him.

"I was worried too" Romano told him, he leaned back on the chair he was sitting in. "England made a mistake by the way" Romano told him "He looked at that stupid spell book again, said it was actually 6 days. Because 666 is the number of the devil and it's a devilish act to resurrect someone. Only the person can't have 666 days to be alive so it is reduced down to 6…Some bull shit like that. I can't believe he nearly killed you because he misread a number".

"It's not his fault, Romano" Italy sat up in bed and put his back against the headboard.

Life had finally come back into his appearance.

Though he was bound to a hospital bed; His cheeks were more rosy, he had more of a life-like smile and he over all looked…Well, alive.

"I feel like I came back a new person though" Italy said with a deep sigh, "I feel reborn almost".

"You kinda were" Romano added.

Italy chuckled again, "I know but this time feels different. Maybe it's because you helped me, but I feel better. Not really physically, but after the whole talk and the trip I really feel like smiling again!".

There it was.

That priceless smile.

"Don't thank us yet. Especially not those losers" Romano said with a smirk "You've got a whole life time ahead of you now. So don't ever try to cut it short again".

"Sí signore" Italy replied.

"Oh by the way, I hope you don't mind, but we're attending a world meeting soon. Like now" Romano stood up and walked towards the door, he lingered a bit and looked back at Italy who looked like he wanted to follow him.

"We? But Romano, I can't get up-"

"You don't have to" Romano winked and opened the door.

Familiar patients started piling in the room.

As they all came in, Italy's eyes widened and he started shaking his head. "Romano, you can't just invite the whole world over here! There are visitor limits!" he lectured.

"Relax, I only brought the important ones. The other's are on Skype" Romano told him.

Japan had brought in his laptop and placed it down on Italy's lap. The screen turned on and a table full of nations turned up on the screen. They all smiled and greeted Italy simultaneously. Italy looked as though he wanted to shield his hospital garb away from them in embarrassment.

"H-Hello!" he still spoke shyly "I'm sorry for the trouble, what subject do we need to go over?".

"You technically" Germany answered him and maneuvered himself over to Italy and placed a familiar piles of paper onto him.

Italy shifted through them all.

They were his suicide letters.

"I know you said you didn't understand them yourself, but would you mind at least explaining every little aspect of it?" Germany asked him, "I…We want to know more about your life".

"Do you mind reading your first one? Whichever one that was?" Japan added in another question.

Italy unfolded the letter he remembered he started out with and read it allowed.

_"To whom it may concern,_

_I never thought I'd start out a letter like that. But someone's got to find me eventually._

_I'll start it like this. My name is Italy Veneziano and after I write this letter I'm going to commit suicide._

_This may be confusing to some. I always sounded utterly dumb when I tried to explain things, I could never function around people well. I always wanted to be around people but I never knew how to talk._

_So here's a piece of my mind._

_I hear and understand every word. I know what people think of me and I can't help but agree. Every word anyone has ever said about me is true._

_Annoying. Yes_

_Stupid. Yes_

_Selfish. Yes_

_So you can at least understand why I rather not be around. It's hard to deal with being annoying, stupid, and selfish all at the same time, no?_

_My grandfather died at the end of his time. I watched him get impaled, I ran, I became a slave, I fell in love, and I let that love die._

_I can never hang onto anything I care for._

_Every war I was involved in I felt like dying._

_I can't stand harming others. I know too many people who died due to that._

_Then how come I suddenly become weak and useless?_

_War isn't everything. There is such thing as development without violence._

_What am I even saying?_

_Even on paper I can't exactly explain what I mean._

_There's so much going on within my mind. It's suffocating._

_I feel like I need to rid myself of this world for everything to be at peace. Within me and within you, whoever is reading this, I think you deserve better._

_And why not end my life selfishly like how I came into this world._

_I think we all know I was never meant to be._

_Who ever heard of two countries existing within? I'm the weak link, if Aqua Alta doesn't kill me first than it'd be the fact that we'll eventually need a whole government._

_My brother will be the only Italy._

_That's how it should have been all alone._

_I'm rambling now._

_Goodbye, I guess. That's all I have to say._

_Also, don't blame anyone that isn't me for this. This is entirely my fault and entirely my decision._

_I want to welcome to sweet relief of death into me._

_I hope, whoever you are, can understand this._

_With much love,_

_Italy Veneziano". _

After that Italy took a pause and looked up at everyone else who urged him to explain it the best way he could. Italy processed his words in his head; dreading how they would come out of his mouth.

"Uh, well I did hear a lot of stuff from everyone. Especially around the World Wars I was always nervous and I relied on a lot of people. What I wanted more than everything was for everything to stop…So I acted strangely" Italy said "I didn't know I was acting particularly strange until I heard the words 'annoying' and 'stupid' come up when people talked about me. I got 'useless' a lot from Germany so that stuck a lot…Sorry Germany".

"No need to apologize" Germany told him. He could care less if Italy felt bad for possibly 'hurting his feelings' when in reality it was the other way around. Germany felt bad that he harmed his friend in such a way.

"Romano threw words around a lot since the beginning. But I always felt safe around him, so even after years of separation I wanted to be around him and I think he felt a bit different about everything. So I always sort of felt bad that I made him spend time with me, He'd always avoid me too. He called me a lot of names and I sorta just went with it" Italy explained, "Sorry Romano".

Romano let him apologize. There was no stopping him, even if it wasn't his fault.

"I really, really hated fighting. It killed two people I really cared about and I always felt guilty that I didn't help them" Italy added on "And I felt I couldn't do anything…And whenever Aqua Alta caused issues I always wished it would just kill me…And now I know that was stupid".

"So in conclusion" Italy decided to summarize everything up, "I felt like I was annoying, I felt useless, I felt stupid, and I felt guilty. A lot of times I felt like giving up too, and well, I was wrong".

Everyone was quiet for a bit; Until Russia's childish behavior stuck out.

"So you were very sad for a very long time then?" he asked.

Italy nodded.

"Well that's what hugs are for" Russia gave a cheeky smile; One Italy couldn't resist.

Italy smiled proudly; tears blinked out of his eyes and quickly slid down his cheeks.

"I get it now" Germany told him.

"I do too" Romano added, turning from Germany to Italy.

"You know, you've never sounded stupid to me. The way you talked and acted was just you, that's who you are. I never thought you were any less of a nation or intelligent individual" Romano told him "You're my little brother, I gotta pick on you sometimes it's my job".

Romano winked at Italy who responded with another laugh.

"I feel so silly now" Italy said, pressing a hand to his cheek "And to think I thought I could fix things with ending my life-"

"There was nothing for you to fix Italy. If anything, it was us" Germany said "I promise I'll be more attentive, I'm your friend after all".

What started out as a tragedy gave out new and improved life.

There must have been some sort of poetic way to put such a uniquely beautiful thing.

Not many people got a second chance like Italy did.

They were swept away before things could even improve; before anyone could analyze and make sense of something so devastating and horrible to one person.

If there was one thing Italy could suggest for the newer generations.

He'd probably say, "Just don't give up; You'll be living in a world you've dreamed of soon enough".

Something along those lines at least.

* * *

**_It's finished :,D I tired my best to conclude this. I never planned for this to become a full put story actually. It started out as a one-shot that I wrote when I was upset, and now it's a completed story!_**

**_Again, I have to thank everyone who stuck with it. _**

**_I love knowing that I can encourage people, that's what I try to do most of all. _**

**_I do think every life is precious and unique. _**

**_In just a few more years or so everything will be at peace and better than you expected. _**

**_Just wait. _**

**_And remember, I'm rooting for you!_**

**_Do your absolute best!_**

**_Love, Audrey _**


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